St. Patrick's Day Prep Guide for Stupid Drunks

st. patricks day drunkWaking up on the morning of St. Patrick's Day is like waking up the morning of a huge championship flag football match. You have some sort of uniform ... or at least a green accessory to show your Irish pride. You've already discussed some sort of strategy with your "teammates." And of course, you've prepared.

If you thought that the only prep necessary for a successful St. Patrick's night out was to pick out what bar stool you'll be stationed at, you were seriously mistaken. If you want success, which is defined by how hungover you are the next day, then you need to give your body a pep talk. And if you're planning on getting stupid drunk, well -- the pep talk needs to start now.

Here are three crucial ways to prepare yourself for the big day, with minimal after-effects ...


Your eyes: You need to shut them. Not while driving or at your desk, but for the few days leading up to a night out, it's important to get a little extra shuteye. Why? The quality of your sleep dramatically decreases after a night of heavy intoxication. Catching a few extra zzz's will enable you to feel a tad bit better the next morning, and not regret those four two extra Irish car bombs.

Your stomach: There is absolutely nothing that is more important than giving your stomach the coating it needs before a night of heavy drinking. And of course, there are two components to ultimate success: Food and water.

  • Food: It's great to be health conscious, but indulging in fattier foods before drinking actually slows down the rate that alcohol is absorbed into your system. No, that doesn't necessarily mean run out to the nearest fast food joint and get your hands on a double stacked burger with all the fixin's. Healthy fats do exist, like those found in nuts and certain types of fish. And of course, if you want to skip out on high fat -- then aim for carbohydrates or high starch and liquid fruits, like bananas or watermelon. High carb foods will act similar to fat, as a buffer, while fruits high in liquid (like an extra glass of H20) prevent you from dehydrating too quickly.
  • Water: H20 is your bestest buddy during the days leading up to a big night out. One of the main things that alcohol does to the body is dehydrate, and without a steady base of fluids, you are more likely to get very, very sick. No, that doesn't mean start drinking earlier in the day. Who knows, maybe this is your chance to start upping your water intake on the regular. In fact, it should be. Start drinking.

Your feet: Thinking about dressing to impress on Thursday night? Well, most stupid drunks will because, well, who doesn't feel sexier in a pair of high heels? If heels are in the equation, then take a few extra precautionary steps today and tomorrow by staying low to the ground. By giving your tootsies a rest, you'll be much more comfortable for your night on the town. Obsessed with a pair of 4-inchers but dreading the pain? Try some Tip Toes shoe inserts, perfect for upping the comfort factor of your favorite pair.


I promise, follow these tips and you'll be in tip-top shape to celebrate the Irish like the best o' them. St. Patrick's Day only comes around once a year, and I don't know about you -- but I'm going to try to make it past my weeknight 10 p.m. bedtime! Now, if only someone would tell me where I could find a pot of gold. It could probably help me out with that bar tab later on ...

Are you planning on going out this St. Patrick's Day?

Image via Daveynin/Flickr

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