There are plenty of reasons people shouldn't drink excessively when it comes to their health. From liver damage to increased rates of some cancers, too much alcohol can be harmful. An occasional cocktail or glass of wine is fine -- even beneficial according to some studies -- but getting blitzed is flat-out bad for your body.
But life or death reasons aside, there's another reason you shouldn't drink too much: People do really dumb things when they're drunk, dumb enough to get the police involved. We're not talking just some random barroom brawls either; we're talking things you couldn't make up if you tried. Here are five of the dumbest drunk crimes seen recently:
1. Man pees on chicken: I'm not sure if it makes it worse or better that the chickens weren't alive, but Jerry Patterson, 58, of North Little Rock, was recently arrested for urinating on $500 worth of chicken in a grocery store. Oh, and there was a ham involved too.
2. Man cooks chicken wings: What is it with drunks and chicken recently? In this case, Cory Mogen, 25, broke into a Pizza Hut where he worked after it was closed. He wasn't there to steal money, he was just hungry and police caught him frying up some boneless chicken wings. He also had, inexplicably, decided to throw some marinara sauce on the walls.
3. Man teaches middle school while drunk: A sixth grade science teacher in Virginia may have taught some pretty interesting material when he showed up to school drunk. Someone smelled alcohol on Michael S. Porter's breath, police were called, and he was busted. He's since resigned. Good idea.
4. Former president of M.A.D.D. drives drunk: All drunk driving is dumb, but when you've been at the helm of your local Mothers Against Drunk Driving chapter, then it's just doubly dumb. Such is the case for Debra Oberlin of Gainesville, Florida, a former M.A.D.D. president who recently registered a blood alcohol level of 0.239 when she was pulled over for DUI.
5. Students cook television: Two students in the U.K. were recently sentenced to two years in jail for trying to cook a television in the oven of their residence hall. They were, of course, drinking before making the decision to do so. Fortunately no one was hurt in the ensuing fire, because it could have been a lot worse.
What's the dumbest drunk crime you've ever heard of, or the dumbest thing you've done when drunk?
Image via Neal/Flickr