SpermJust when I was starting to think sperm was the most useless thing since boogers -- except when you're trying to conceive, natch -- a bit of news makes man juice sound like a golden elixir. Scientists have been able to temporarily cure diabetes in mice using sperm producing cells to create insulin.

Imagine this: the 23.6 million Americans who have diabetes could one day take a huge slurp of semen to cure what ails them! Did you just clutch at your stomach and thank the stars that you don't have an insulin issue? Hold that thought!

Diabetes is not the first disease that's gotten the sperm treatment. A study back in the early half of the decade determined that an ejaculation a day is good for the depressed woman, who absorbs chemicals through her vagina into the bloodstream. A doctor put up a fairly convincing argument that women who abstain for sex during their periods or during the postpartum period can actually suffer from a "semen withdrawal" that makes their symptoms worsen.

Not surprisingly, it was a male doc claiming the power of getting laid is good for the ladies. But that one at least has the semblance of truth. Then there are the people who believe the best way to fight zits is to rub your face with the white goo on a daily basis. Says one believer,

Although the treatment sounds simple and easy, some people might consider it gross to apply sperm on the face. However, if we look at the contents of sperm, we find out that it mostly contains vitamins, fructose, and protein, which are all good for health. This is actually the ingredients of the seminal fluid; the rest of the sperm is made up of minerals such as selenium and some others. These nutrients protect and provide nutrition to the spermatozoa before they reach their destination.

And here we didn't think it could get more bizarre than rubbing little boy penis parts on your face. But we're not done!

There are people perpetrating the myth that swallowing semen is going to cure a sore throat. It's a rumor with absolutely no basis in fact, likely started by a boyfriend who was just really annoyed that his girlfriend hadn't been up for oral sex the week she came down with laryngitis.

These "miracle cures" all make scientists playing around with cells in a lab sound so much saner -- and less icky. But I still have to say it: with diabetes on both side of my family, if this is my fate, here's hoping the drug companies don't make this kind of cure in a liquid form.

 

Image via Smabs Sputzer/Flickr