World AIDS Day 2010 marks more than two decades since the global fight to end the spread of HIV began. But 22 years later, Americans are still too dumb to get it.
How else do you explain the huge spikes in sexually transmitted disease rates in America in the past several years? They've been shoving condoms at us and shouting, "AIDS is not just a gay disease, practice safe sex heteros," since 1988, and we still don't get it?
The standard American kid only takes 13 years to get from kindergarten to college. It shouldn't take this long, people.
And yet, the CDC reported last month that chlamydia rates jumped 3 percent in 2009, bringing the total rise since 2006 to 19 percent. It's even worse when you look at the syphilis cases: they rose 5 percent last year, a total of 39 percent more diagnoses since 2006.
Der, America. We have a worldwide, well-organized program that tells you how to prevent this. Use the exact same means used to prevent AIDS: wrap that sucker, guys! And ladies, don't let him near you without a big sheath of latex between you.
That could have prevented all those chlamydia and syphilis cases plus the approximately 56,300 people who were newly infected with HIV in 2006 (the most recent year that data are available).
For that matter, the long-standing tradition of World AIDS Day should have made abortion and teen pregnancy alike nearly obsolete by now.
Sure, we have the oops pregnancies that will never go away. We all know condoms break (if you've never had that one month counting down the hours until you're supposed to bleed, then bless you, you're a rare breed indeed). And rape is an abomination that sadly will not disappear no matter how many scumbuckets you throw in jail for it.
But watch a marathon of 16 and Pregnant and you'll lose count of how many of the girls admit they just never bothered to wrap it up.
Where's the giant cut-out of Ryan White for every high school in America when we need one? He may have come down with HIV from a transfusion, but there's nothing like staring at a dead kid every day to remind other kids that AIDS happens to them too.
As for the adults, maybe it's time to turn off the red lights on the buildings and take off the ribbons. Americans obviously need to be beaten over the head with this message: let's put a condom over the White House and put a foil packet on every lapel pin.
Will anything make us wise up?
Image via Fotos/GovBa/Flickr