10 Ways to Dump a Psycho Running Buddy

Julie Anderson
7

Two women running
It's not me, it's you.

Finding a running partner is pretty easy. Breaking up with one isn’t.

Getting to know a new exercise buddy is kind of fun at first, like flirting at the bar was back in college. But what happens if your new BRB (Best Running Buddy) turns out to be a whiny, negative mess of emotional baggage and just the idea of sharing your precious workout time with her makes you want to call in sick, every.damn.day? How do you dump her?

It starts out so innocently. Your mutual friend introduced you, or maybe you found each other online or through a flier at the YMCA. You exchange emails. You Friend each other on Facebook. You talk on the phone. She seems normal, so you agree to meet at the trail at 6 a.m. next Monday.

She seems nice. You chat about your work, your kids, your husband, your dog. It’s pleasant enough, better than running alone, you both say. So you agree to meet three days a week.

Then suddenly, it happens: her true colors start seeping through her fashionably-coordinated running ensembles. She’s mean, gossipy, needy, weepy, she’s the queen of over-sharing. You hope to god you never have to meet her husband in person, you know far too much about his … junk.

She calls you every day, texts you constantly, hijacks your Facebook Wall. It’s like bad PMS shows up in her personality one day and never leaves. You’re just not that into her. Time to, uh, cut and run.

Try one or all of these brush-off lines, and then tell us if they work!

1. “I don’t want to run with you. I don’t like you anymore” (okay, you’ve gotta be pretty brave to pull this one off).

2. "I break with thee ... I break with thee ... I break with thee ... and then throw dog poop on her/his shoes." (Steve Martin)

3. “You’re just too slow. I’ve been practically walking this whole time because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Sorry.”

4. “My lawyer called. He wants his irreconcilable differences back.”

5. “I think we need space. I’ll take the East side of town; you can have the West side.”

6. “I think we should run with other people. Don’t call me, I won’t call you.”

7. Un-friend her, then say, “Facebook blocked you because you were putting a bunch of porn up on my page and it won’t let me add you again. Same with my phone. Isn’t that weird?”

8. “I met someone else to run with. I’m not into threesomes, sorry.”

9. “I’m moving to Alaska to guest-star on Sarah Palin’s new reality show. She wants me to be her running partner through 2012. I’m not allowed to say much more.”

10. “What part of stay the hell away from me don’t you understand, weirdo?”

Now, tell us your best “dump your running buddy” lines in the comments!


Image via markfaviel/Flickr

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