The holiday season is upon us, and you can feel the anticipation in the air.
The food, the shopping, the parties, the family ... ACK, the family!
If yours has a couple of members that make you want to run and hide until the New Year, you're not alone.
I wouldn't know anything about it because all of my relatives (hi guys!) happen to be the loveliest, most amazing, non-annoying lot ever (let me know when you want my Christmas list) ... but so I've heard.
For some, the mere thought of surviving a meal with certain relatives can be enough to induce a severe case of indigestion.
But with just a few tricks in your pocket (make sure you wear something with pockets), you too can stomach -- and even perhaps enjoy -- a meal with your relatives, no matter how awful they may be.
Here are a few:
Gossipping Grandma Georgia -- She wants to dish and defame every family member she can and give you all sorts of insight about what's wrong with each and every one of them.
Solution: Pretend you have an ear infection and can't hear a word she's saying unless she speaks really LOUDLY.
Drunk Uncle Dan -- He's always drinking all your booze, slurring his way through dinner conversation and passed out after dessert.
Solution: Have some "special" bottles on hand for him -- ones you've diluted to decrease or eliminate the alcohol. He can keep drinking, but keep his composure.
Your Meddling Mother-in-Law -- She has a suggestion for the way you cook the turkey, an opinion on the way you talk to your children, and a demand for the way you set the table.
Solution: Let her have her way, tell her she's right, then go take a nap while she does it her way.
Your Bratty Nephew Bobby -- He's ill-mannered, ill-tempered, and usually ill for real with a snotty nose to match his snotty personality.
Solution: You're not going to change him, so just avoid him as much as possible. Think beyond the kids' table to an entire kids' room, perhaps a kids' house.
Nosy Aunt Nora -- She snoops through your medicine cabinet, looks through your mail, and even inspects your refrigerator with a little too much vigor.
Solution: Plant fake items for fun -- a letter about your bankruptcy, a prescription for Syphilis medication, some really moldy cheese ... anything that would shock her.
Boring Brother-in-Law Bart -- He drones on and on about his accounting firm and some strange species of lizard he wants to visit in Thailand.
Solution: Drink. Everyone is more interesting when you have a bit of a buzz.
Who are your most annoying relatives and how do you handle them?
Image via NealeA/Flickr