Poor Kim Kardashian. It's her 30th birthday, the brink of the best time of her life, and how does she feel about this pivotal turning point? Like she's so old, made perfectly clear in the interview that ran alongside her recent nude W Magazine spread:
It turned out beautifully, and I love it but I don't know if I'll pose nude again ... I'm too old for that now ... I wanted to get it all out of my system before I turned 30.
Kim saying she's too old for posing nude is like saying your 9-year-old is too old for trick-or-treating. Perhaps what she really meant is that 30 is a good age to find a reliable man, settle down, and actually keep her clothes on. That, or she's just talking out of her MAXIMUS gluteus MAXIMUS again.
We like Kim. She's cute. She's got a promising future -- even if part of that includes exposing her mountainous terrain, even past the ripe old age of 35 or so. So we think a better birthday resolution for Kim would be to NOT to say so many silly things.
Presenting 30 of our favorite Kardashianisms in honor of Kim's big Three-Oh ... can't you just wait to hear what she says when she turns 40?
1. "Let's just say Mason is the best birth control ever! I'm definitely happy to wait a while."
2. "My balance is really bad. I just hope my clumsiness doesn't show through."
3. “I am Armenian, so of course I am obsessed with laser hair removal!”
4. "We met the Jonas Brothers. Nick [Jonas] is so cute ... I don't think Reggie will get mad because [Nick] is, like, 15. I really shouldn't say he's cute. It's a little inappropriate!"
5. "He [Barack Obama] just seemed very firm about the change, and that’s, like, his motto."
6. "I don't understand why everyone is always going on about my butt. I'm Armenian. It's normal."
7. "It's [her new house] kind of like my relationship. I'm like nurturing it and like spending a lot of time there and making sure that everything is perfect. It's like my new boyfriend."
8. "Is that not ridiculous that people thought that Justin Bieber and I were on a vacation together, on a romantic vacation, in the Bahamas, and I just happened to wear a gown as my swimsuit and red lips and he's dressed in a suit in the ocean? Seriously who would walk to the beach like that?"
9. "EWW. I'm at lunch, the woman at the table next to me is breast feeding her baby with no coverup."
10. "I'll have surgery at some point. I'll never do my butt -- I mean how would you sit down? But I'll do my boobs for sure. I think at some point after I have kids they'll need a lift and I'll get them done."
11. "I don't like big balls on a dog."
12. "Leggings killed velour sweat suits! I used to only wear them until leggings came along."
13. "It would be really sexy to have George Clooney once. I think he is so sexy!"
14. [After a monkey peed on her] "Ashton said the monkey had pooped on him, so I didn't feel too bad, haha. Gross little monkey!"
15. "If Paris Hilton thinks my butt looks gross, I really don't care. At least I have a butt."
16. "For me, skinny is just a style of jeans -- not a goal."
17. "I love to bake, especially cupcakes. I'm really good at it."
18. "I hate when women wear the wrong foundation color. It might be the worst thing on the planet when they wear their makeup too light."
19. "I buy myself a gift every year, so this year I bought everything I wanted."
20. "I couldn't care less if they [the media] say I'm pregnant with twins by my brother."
21. "I've never been a drinker, I've never gotten into drugs ... You know, I think I have such a close family ... I think you know my sisters do enough drinking to kind of fill up the whole family."
22. "You have a better, like, looking vagina than I thought."
23. "A few people have asked if it's real. You can grab it [her backside] if you want."
24. "The word trill really REALLY bugs me! Like who made that up???"
25. "She [Britney Spears] said she loves me and she loves my butt and how she wants to be my lesbian lover. I mean, what do you say to that other than 'No thanks'? Actually, maybe I would do it for a million bucks."
26. [When asked about going on a date with Gerard Butler] "How about barf?"
27. "Every girl who has dated a football player ... They all have sex the same way."
28. [About Botox injections] "I think I can handle it, I have a really high tolerance for pain.”
29. "This [housewarming party] is just too much anxiety for me."
30. [About going blonde] "They say I look like a different ethnicity, and nobody's been recognizing me."
Is Kim's perspective on turning 30 healthy or silly?