Will Pink Gnomes Really Cure Breast Cancer?

Jeanne Sager

breast cancer ribbonAttention America: it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. In case the Pepto-Bismol-colored-wash on the entire country hadn't already given that away, we figured we'd remind you. 

Because even as breast cancer has finally gotten enough attention to be a "mainstream illness," the world still thinks women are too stupid to get a mammogram unless their cooler tells them too.

And how 'bout them pink darts at the bar league?

Will any of these actually eradicate the disease that steals mothers from kids?

pink ice cube cooler1. Pink Ice Cube Cooler. They do realize what ice cold breasts mean, right? Ice cold nipples.







pink golf putter cover2. Pink Putter Cover. Because nothing says suffering through life-threatening cancer than a day out on the golf course with the gals.







pink step stool3. Pink Step Stool. Have breasts? Climb up on a ladder. It will make them jiggle.








pink food chopper4. Pink Food Chopper. Because nothing says delicate erogenous zones like going all whoop ass on an onion.








pink baseball bat5. Pink Baseball Bat. Oh, would you skip that silly appointment with your OB/GYN? We have batting cages to hit.







pink darts6. Pink Darts. Because we still can't quite pinpoint WHERE we're supposed to tell our doc we felt a lump?








breast cancer gnome7. Pink Gnome. Because she'll jump out of your garden and come eat you if you don't make that appointment! Wait, she won't?








breast cancer ruler8. Pink Ruler. Nothing screams pro-active like the kook who steals office supplies.








breast cancer pencils9. Breast Cancer Pencils. See above office supplies, but we give them credit -- sticking the pencil in the sharpener is a lot like sticking your boob between those freezing cold metal plates.







breast cancer perfume10. Breast Cancer Perfume. Ladies, mist yourself in breast cancer. Er, perfume.










breast cancer coffee11. Breast Cancer Coffee. The jury is still out on whether there's any link between coffee/caffeine and cancer. But with any possibility, why bother with this marketing ploy?








breast cancer clock12. Breast Cancer Clock. It's counting down the hours of your life!









Images via WishUponaCupcake/Flickr; Wal-Mart; Amazon; Amazon; Amazon; Sports Authority; Target; Amazon; Amazon; Amazon; Macy's; Amazon; Amazon

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