I'm Addicted to Taking Embarrassing Selfies That I May Live to Regret (PHOTO)

selfies, woman taking selfieMaybe it started after I saw Ellen DeGeneres take a selfie with the entire star-studded audience of the Oscars this year, but lately, I have been pressing the little "turn the camera around" icon on my phone so I can grab a selfie to document some really important occasions in my life.

Truth be told, the selfies I've been taking are pretty embarrassing. They're not nude-photo-on-the-Cloud embarrassing, but embarrassing enough that I don't want to share them with you. Okay, since it's just us, I'll share one.


It's called the "Before" selfie.  You see, every so often, I wake up one morning and decide to make a concerted effort to lose weight. So I grab my phone, pose in front of the mirror, and take a really unflattering photo of myself with the intent of posting that fabulous "After" shot in a few months. But somehow, the "After" never happens.

Come on. Admit it. You've totally taken a "Before" selfie too, and I bet you were pretty ashamed to share it. But it's like those photos we used to put up on our refrigerators before we all went stainless and magnets stopped working. You know what I'm talking about -- those pictures of really overweight people you stick on the fridge so you can see them every time you look for something to eat. Or maybe the photos of you back in your prime when you were in great shape and loved wearing shorts. I can't actually remember that moment, but I'm sure you probably have a a nice memory of looking really fantastic in shorts before you spent your days in front of a computer searching for Facebook status updates.

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Anyway, back to the topic at hand: selfies and my recent obsession with taking bad ones. I seriously do have some pretty mortifying ones I've taken since this silly habit started -- like the "eye selfie," which documented a period where I was dealing with a really bad, red eyelid issue and shared it as a status update. Or the "lobster selfie," when my family went on vacation in Maine and I just had to show everyone I was eating shellfish every single day without fail. But there are also selfies I'm quite proud of. Especially the ones that make me look like I'm a good 10 pounds thinner than I really am. They just seem to be buried among a lot more I'm not so happy about.

I'd like to share a big secret on how to take the perfect selfie. Don't tell anyone I told you and just thank them when they say how awesome you look on Facebook. Here's the step-by-step plan on how to take a selfie that makes you look like a million bucks:

1. Hold your phone at least two feet above your head and angle it downward.

2. Lift your head up so you are not sporting an attractive double chin.

3. Look into the camera.

4. Snap the photo.

Now the next few steps are totally up to you, but make sure you crop your photo, put a filter on it, or use a photo touch-up app to smooth away any unsightly lines or blemishes. You will look 10 years younger, 10 years thinner, and all your friends will be amazed at your transformation.

On the flip side, if you ever see someone taking a selfie and their phone is lower than their waistline, it is your duty to stop them in their tracks and show them our little trick. Friends do not let friends take bad selfies.

When it comes to group selfies, I say the wilder the pose the better. My family loves taking those -- even our dog gets in on the act -- so anytime we're all together, especially in the car, it's an excuse to grab the phone and snap away.

So go out and take a selfie -- a good one, for heaven's sake! Just keep your clothes on to avoid winding up in an exclusive TMZ segment a la Jennifer Lawrence.

I better run to the gym now. Just took yet another "Before" selfie and working on my "After" as we speak.

Do you take any embarrassing selfies?

Image © iStock.com/Wavebreak

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