5 Facebook Status Updates People Only Post to Avoid Looking Like Total Jerks

phoneEven though I'll probably never be able to bring myself to give it up, lately I'm finding that Facebook is becoming more and more annoying. Remember how it used to be something you hopped on for the sake of catching up with old friends and sharing a laugh or two here and there? Those days are gone for good.

Facebook has become the end all be all for expressing every single thought or feeling that runs through our brains on any given day -- and honestly it's getting a little out of hand. Case in point -- people now post status updates simply because they are afraid their friends will think they're an asshole if they don't post said status updates.


It's like there are some posts that have become almost obligatory -- to the point where if you don't post them, others may question whether or not you actually have a soul.

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Not quite sure what I'm referring to? Here are five status updates that only get posted because the poster doesn't want to appear insensitive, oblivious, heartless, ungrateful, insert other similar unappealing character descriptions here.

  1. Expressions of sympathy and disbelief -- Any time a celebrity or other noteworthy person passes away, you can pretty much predict exactly what your Facebook news feed will look like. "R.I.P. Whitney." "OMG ... not Whitney!" "I can't believe Whitney Houston is gone." Have you ever noticed how these tend to multiply like crazy as soon as a couple people post them? Wonder why that is ...
  2. The poetic anniversary wish -- We get it -- you love your spouse. But we don't need you to write brand new vows or an ode to them or any other sappy declaration of undying love to convince us that you two are meant to be. But if you don't wish your spouse a happy birthday or anniversary on Facebook, what kind of partner are you?!? You must be contemplating divorce ...
  3. Holiday wishes -- Who else dreads checking Facebook on holidays? Happy Thanksgiving! Happy Thanksgiving! Happy Thanksgiving! Happy Thanksgiving! Happy Thanksgiving! If you don't wish people a Happy Thanksgiving, you're obviously made of stone.
  4. Prayers -- This one is tricky, because of course people are praying and sending good vibes when something horrible happens. But you know what works better than telling everyone on Facebook you are praying for something or someone? Getting down on your knees and actually praying for something or someone. But what if you don't post that you're praying and people think you don't give a shit? Tough spot to be in for sure.
  5. The birthday memoir -- OMG. If it's your child or spouse's birthday and you don't give a play by play of every single moment you've ever spent together, everyone will totally think you don't care about them and that they aren't your priority. "Happy Birthday to my beautiful little girl!" or "Happy Birthday to my honey!" simply isn't enough anymore. You need a replay of the birth or wedding for sure. Oh! -- and you'll score even more bonus points as far as how awesome your Facebook friends think you are if you pen an original Haiku specifically tailored to your loved one.

Be honest -- do you ever post status updates simply because you are worried what people will think if you don't?


Image via Johan Larsson/Flickr

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