'Twas the Night Before Christmas, the Techie Version

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a peripheral was stirring, not even a mouse.
The Dropcams were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The Nexuses were charging by the kids' beds,
While visions of Angry Birds danced in their heads.
And Mama with her Mini, and I my iPhone,
Were tapping away by that pale LCD glow.


When out on the lawn there arose such a boom,
I sprang from the bed when a flash filled the room.
Away to the window I flew like a tweet,
And saw an old man shaking his fist in the street.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave an Instagram filter to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tired reindeer.

The driver was grumbling as my skin it did tingle,
And I reached for my iPod to Google "Kris Kringle."
But, to my dismay, my device, it was dead
And throughout the house LEDs all flashed red.

The little old man looked around and with a voice full of tension:
"I'm sorry to wake you but I need your attention.
I meant not to scare you or cause your kids fear
But I just launched an EMP bomb to shut down your gear."

"Every year I've been coming and dropping off toys
And hiding from all the good girls and good boys
But these days I fly by and see no Christmas dreams
'Cause the kids are all playing games while Netflix it streams."

"And you mums and fathers, with your laptops on laps
Aren't sleeping but tweeting, Facebooking, and Chatting With Snaps.
You barely have time to look your kids in the eye
Let alone leave me a nice piece of pie."

"So now all your gadgets and gizmos are retired
They'll be back on by New Year's and I'll home by the fire.
And for a few days at least you guys can just chat
Instead of Skyping your kids when it's time for a bath."

And the effect was immediate, scary, and stark.
We had to look up from our iPads and stare into the dark
And watch with wonder the soft-falling snow
And the crisp winter moon and stars that did glow.

And I looked over at Mama and she looked at me
In a way that I remembered from back in '83.
She held out her hand and in the window we stood
While others woke up in our neighborhood.

The kids weren't distracted with Liking their tweets
And they grabbed their galoshes and took to the streets.
They made snowmen and angels and sang Christmas cheers
And patted the eight tiny, impatient reindeer.

And they didn't ask for Mario, Metroid, or Mickey
Instead they read books and got themselves sticky
Eating popcorn and cookies and drinking hot fresh cocoa
And talking of Christmases long, long ago.

Looking around, old Santa was pleased. 
He nodded and listened to the sound of the breeze.
His beard like silver in the moonlight did shine.
"It's Christmas!" he yelled. "You should all be offline!"

He put his sleigh into drive, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,
"Turn off your gadgets, and to all a good night!"

Image via Creative Commons

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