Cellphone That Makes Out With You Could Replace Your Boyfriend

man on phoneThink you've got the fanciest, fastest, high tech-est cellphone on the market? Well, you're wrong. Even if you have an iPhone 17. Why? Because the iPhone 17 won't kiss you, squeeze your hand, or blow sensually onto your neck. But there is a phone that does.

Fabian Hemmert, the creator of these creepo phones, recently showed off three prototypes of "emotional phones." One included sensors and a strap that goes around your hand that can tighten, simulating a squeeze, when a friend grips their own phone. Another picks up air movements on one phone and translates them into a jet of air on the other. And finally there's the cell that makes out with you. It involves a moisture sensor on the kisser's phone and a motorized "wet sponge pushing against a membrane" on the receiver's phone.

According to Hemmert, the phones are meant to spark debate on the future of telecommunications. He asked, "How much nearness do we want?"

And I'm answering: Not that much, dude.


I mean, aside from the general icky-ness of these phones, they pose a whole slew of problems. For instance, what if you happen to be on the line with one of those heavy mouth-breathers? Everybody knows one. Do you really want to be showered with "their" hot breath for the duration of the conversation? Or what if you don't want to make out with the person on the other end -- but they start smooching away anyway? Gross!

I think it's safe to say that cellphones, or smartphones or whatever you want to call them, are advanced enough these days. And they completely blur any lines of "personal space" phones once offered. Face time, anyone? Instantly uploading unflattering, unapproved photos to Facebook? Yeah, I'm good.

Hopefully, Hemmert just came out with these prototypes as some weird social experiment, or as some artsy message. "How much is technology depriving people of actual, human contact?" or something like that. 'Cause these things is nasty.

Would you want a phone that made out with you?


Image via Ollie Crafoord/Flickr

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