Hurricane Irene Doesn't Care About Your Stinkin' Sports

football fieldHurricane Irene is really starting to get on my nerves -- and I haven't even met her yet. She's virtually ruined all my weekend plans (yeah, no problem, there's still sooo much time in summer left), she's threatening to take my beloved electricity away to boot, and now she's single-handedly wrecking the world of sports. What a bitch.

Professional baseball games, NFL games, tennis matches, MLS games, and a simple game of catch I was planning on having with my dog at the park have all been rescheduled because of Lady I and the havoc she's supposedly going to wreak on the East Coast.

You better watch it, Irene. Now you're messing with the wrong folk.


It's one thing to force people's plans into cancellation, it's another to totally rearrange sporting events. Fans center their lives around these things. You don't just announce that you're coming into town a few days before you get here and expect everyone to bow down to you. Who do you think you are, the Queen of England?

By chance, Irene, did you happen to know that the NFL lockout just ended? Or are you too wrapped up in your own whirlwind life to know what's going on with the rest of the world? Well, I'm here to tell you, it did. And our country is a better place because of it. Having the Jets and the Giants move the starting time of their preseason game by five hours is kind of rude, and a little much to ask. Maybe people had plans to make a night of said game. Maybe they were going to drink beer, eat dips, and participate in an evening of general merriment with their friends. You wouldn't know about that kind of stuff, would you? You're just a frosty spinster whose only pleasure comes from inflicting pain on innocent people.

Irene, I'm officially challenging you to a duel. If you have the guts to make it to my neck of the woods on Sunday, I'll meet you at the corner where the liquor store is. We're going to settle this womano y womano. Loser buys the winner a sixer.

And bring cash because that store doesn't take credit cards.

Are you annoyed that Irene has rearranged sporting events?


Image via nightthree/Flickr

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