Criminal Regrets Requesting 33 Year 'Larry Bird' Sentence

prisonBasketball fans are fiercely loyal. I'm witnessing this first hand now that the Chicago Bulls are duking it out with the Miami Heat in the NBA playoffs, and my husband, an Illinois native, is glued to the TV 24/7. I must admit, it's pretty exciting, but I could have done without watching every second of Derrick Rose and Luol Deng bring the heat against LeBron James and Dwyane Wade -- especially when it cuts into The Real Housewives of Orange County.

That's me, though. I can get my basketball fix just by taking in an hour of a game. I'm not the type of fan who needs to religiously watch highlights, tattoo my favorite team on my inner arm, or ask a judge to give me a 33-year jail sentence instead of a 30-year one in honor of Larry Bird. In other words, I'm not this guy ...


In 2005, Eric Torpy was sentenced to 30 years in Club Fed for armed robbery and two counts of shooting with intent to kill. Instead of just accepting his term or appealing it like a normal person, Eric asked the judge to give him 33 years instead as a nod to his favorite Boston Celtic, Larry Bird. All together now: What an idiot!

My favorite part of this ludicrous story is that the judge gave it to him! How awesome is that? I like to think of it as three extra years for being a smartass. Or a moron. Either count is applicable.

However, now that Torpy is almost six years into his stint, he's starting to realize that maybe this wasn't the best idea. He told the Boston Globe:

Now that I have to do that time, I kind of wished that I had 30 instead of 33. Recently I’ve wisened up. That three is a big deal, you know? Three years matters.

Yes, Eric. It does. But, on the flip side of the coin, would Larry Bird have been Larry Bird if he was number 30? I think not. So, don't lose sight of the prize, kimosabe. The time you're doing is the stuff legends are made of. Although, maybe next time, if you're going to ask a judge to turn your prison sentence into a basketball star's number, you might want to go with Jordan.

What do you think of this bizarro request? Should Eric Torpy get out three years early?


Image via miss_millions/Flickr

Read More >