10 Reasons Why a Smartphone Is Better Than a Man

smartphoneI love my BlackBerry. He really gets me. He's the first thing I look at when I wake up, and the last thing I look at before bed. When I'm down, he's there to cheer me up with a link to a comedian's Twitter feed. When I'm happy, he's there to help me share a good story or a photo. During the lonely hours in which he isn't by my side, I feel phantom vibrations in my pocket, in my bag, in my heart, and I know that my darling BlackBerry, while temporarily out of reach, is not gone forever. He is my all.

And there are no fewer than 10 reasons why a smartphone is better than a husband or a boyfriend.

  1. Smartphones never have to ask for directions, they give the directions.
  2. They're always up for Scrabble.
  3. They remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
  4. They know just how you like it to vibrate, and when and where and for how long.
  5. If they break, it's totally acceptable to trade one in for a newer version.
  6. They don't mind when your mother calls.
  7. Smartphones really like it when you check in, and sometimes will give you a badge for it.
  8. You can talk to them all you want, and they'll never, ever talk back.
  9. Their forte is planning.
  10. You can throw them in a lake, river, ocean when you're frustrated and you won't be questioned by the police.

What do you love more about your smartphone than your significant other?

Photo via gabofr/Flickr

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