Want to party like a Real Housewife this Halloween? RHONJ Melissa Gorga has got you covered with her favorite "skinny" Halloween cocktails. And she must have come up with these recipes long before Superstorm Sandy hit, because poor New Jersey must have gotten the worst of that storm. Look what happened to the Gorga house!

But back to the Halloween cocktails, Melissa came up with some fun mixers using Voli Light Vodka -- and each one has just around 100 calories. Why Melissa, however did you make that possible? 

One of the great joys of Halloween when you are a kid is coming back from trick or treating with a bucket full of Halloween candy. And one of the greatest joys of parenthood is skimming the best stuff from said treat bucket ... mini peanut butter cups, anyone?

But there's a downside to all that candy: eating it puts kids at a higher risk for obesity, tooth decay, and flat-out sugar-crazed hyperactivity. If you want to discourage kids gorging on candy but don't want to be a party pooper (or have your house egged), here are some ideas for healthier Halloween treats.

Well look who's hitching a ride on the Fifty Shades pornwagon, trying to change her reputation: KALE. You know, the dark leafy green vegetable? Oh yeah, she's hot like Anastasia, and she's got a new e-cookbook: 50 Shades of Kale.

This is me biting my lip! Dr. Drew Ramsey (The Happiness Diet) and Jennifer Iserloh (Secrets of a Skinny Chef) have brought kale into the bedroom -- or something like that. Those crayzee kids! What will they think of next? My inner green goddess salad is palpitating at the possibilities. So how HAWT is this cookbook?

You know how Salma Hayek is gorgeous and looks immortal, like she drinks the blood of baby unicorns every morning? Well she's finally let us in on her secret to looking so young and spectacular: She eats fat and drinks wine. Yeah, I'll have what she's having! (Says the woman who ate bacon and a whole avocado for lunch today.)

Salma's serious. Here's what she told Harper's BAZAAR: "I am on the limit of chubbiness because I love my food and my wine. It's not the best for fashion, but it's good for my mood." Snort, Salma, you-- chubby? That's hilars. No but really, tell us more.

"So what is it you eat?" I get this question a lot. Usually it's from well-meaning people, folks who know I'm a vegetarian and want to make sure they have something I will enjoy at their next get-together. Of course, there are others. They're the people who are confused as to how we veggie types can possibly survive without meat.

In all, after 15 years as a vegetarian (I just passed my "anniversary" last month), I've realized something: we vegetarians confuse the heck out of most meat eaters. And so I offer you all a simple guide in what NOT to feed a vegetarian who comes to your house:

Ever find yourself eating banana bread and thinking, "Gee, this is tasty, but I kind of wish it were more ... banana-y." Well how about this idea: Double Banana Sandwiches from DashRecipes.com! Just take a couple slices of banana bread and fill them with sliced bananas (of course) and some honey-sweetened ricotta. 

The banana on banana bread idea is almost Forrest Gump genius. But if you're not into ricotta, I think peanut butter or Nutella would be brilliant, too!

When it comes to dinner, I have an evil twin. The "good" me believes in cooking whole foods from scratch, every damn night. Then we sit around the table and eat like civilized people with cloth napkins and conversation and everything.

But a few nights a week my evil twin comes home from work with something different in mind. She's tired. She's hungry. She's late. No time for "real" cooking -- I've got to whip up something fast. But I hate craptastic "processed" food because it tastes like genetically-modified iguana tears and will give me cancer/diabetes/gas/a bad disposition.

Except for my arsenal of super-duper, surprisingly-nutritious, not-craptastic secret weapons! Here are some evil-twin ready-made meals that even the "good" me approves of.

Were you hoping your wild ride through chocolate milkville this morning would deliver you extra nutrients thanks to the chocolate syrup? Silly! It's CHOCOLATE SYRUP, not magic. Hershey's is getting slapped on the wrist over their Syrup+Calcium and their Syrup Sugar Free with Vitamin & Mineral Fortification products. Apparently these syrups do not meet the high nutritional guidelines required to make such lofty claims as "PLUS" and "FORTIFIED." Busted!

See, in order to use those labels on your food that food must contain at least 10 percent of the daily requirements for those vitamins and minerals -- oh bla, bla, bla. You know what? I have a pretty good idea of how this probably happened.