For some reason I've always been skeptical of the 5-second-rule. Maybe it's because I don't mop my floors often enough or maybe I'm a teensy bit of a germophobe sometimes, but gross!

Why would I want to eat something that fell on the very same surface I just walked across in my tattered old Converse? Why not just eat off the bottoms of my sneakers as if they were plates? Hell, why not just eat my shoe?!

Anyway, turns out I was right to doubt the whole still-sanitary-if-under-5-seconds myth: According to a recent study, more bacteria sticks to food faster than most people think. (And not the "good" sort of immune system-strengthening bacteria, either.)

In just 3 seconds (less than 5!), some of the foods test-dropped on a dirty floor showed signs of klebsiella, a bacteria capable of causing a "wide range of diseases such as pneumonia, urinary tract infections, septicaemia, and soft tissue conditions."

Mmm, tasty!

There is, however, a silver lining to this gray culinary cloud ...

Get yer hot dogs! Get yer hot dogs right here! What'll you have with that? A little ketchup? Onions? How's about a handjob? Er, what?? Apparently there's something like this going on at a Long Island hot dog truck. Catherine Scalia, who serves wieners and was arrested last week for servicing wieners, was back at it today. At least, she was back at the first part, serving wieners. The kind stuck in a bun. The edible kind. Oh, never mind.

Scalia, dressed in a pink tank that left little to the imagination, spent a week in jail after she pleaded guilty to agreeing to "pleasure" a police officer after she sold him a hot dog. Am I the only one hoping she uses some hard-core hand antiseptic?

So maybe the latest Mad Cow Disease scare has got you re-thinking your burger of choice. Hey, switching to a veggie burger can't hurt -- it's not like you can ever be in danger of eating too many vegetables -- and so far, no cases of Mad Carrots have been reported. 

Of course, if your veggie burger experiences are limited to the pre-made frozen patties (hmm, maybe MORE ketchup will disguise that cardboard-esque taste!), Mad Cow might seem worth the risk.

Never fear! Sweet potatoes and avocados are here!

Vegetarian burgers can be absolutely incredible when you make them from scratch, and this recipe is super easy, too.

Where's the beef? Who cares?

You may think this story out of Malaysia sounds suspicious, and I admit I did too. Cynthia Tan Kian Hoon, a chef at work on breakfast, apparently slipped with a six-inch knife and stabbed herself in the ribs, killing herself rather quickly. Her son and another worker in the restaurant reportedly ran to her when they heard the screams, and she collapsed and lost consciousness. Apparently the chef had hit a major artery and bled out quickly in front of her son and co-worker.

Those witnesses, and the fact that my husband cuts himself accidentally almost every time he's in the kitchen, make me truly believe this was a freak accident rather than a shoddily covered up murder.

Which makes me think we all could use a lesson in knife safety around here, yes?

Remember mad cow disease? It's that infection cattle can get that basically eats holes in their brains. And there's a horrible human version (Creutzfeldt-Jako). And if you eat infected beef, you can get the infection. Oh yes, and it's fatal and there's no cure. We've had four cases in the U.S. since 2003.

Welp, mad cow is back! An infected cow was found in Central California yesterday. What does this mean for our beef? Is it safe? Should we be worried?

I admit, after having my first baby, I upped my caffeine intake dramatically. Baby number two required the occasional afternoon cup of coffee, and still does. So when I read about Natasha Maria Harris, a mom to eight, drinking 18 pints of Coca-Cola a day, I could almost see the math working there. Except of course, no one should be drinking 18 pints of Coca-Cola per day. Not even an exhausted 30-year-old mom who apparently has been pregnant non-stop since she was in her teens.

Now, tragically, those eight children are motherless, as Harris is dead and the suspect is her massive intake of soda.

Just before the incident, fingers intactThink Miley Cyrus is gettin' too skinny 'cause she never eats? Well here's proof that she really does eat: Miley was rushed to the hospital Monday with a cut finger -- from cooking. Check out the photos in the link. You can see the bright red blood and everything. No, that is not ketchup. 

The girl cut her finger with a kitchen knife. No doubt she was cookin' up some gluten-free grub, too. Who knew gluten-free could be so dangerous? Where there is a bloody finger, there are piles of wobbly carrots, I guarantee. Now if only Miley would follow some simple knife safety guidelines.

Attention salad lovers: Check that bagged salad in your refrigerator. Dole is recalling their Seven Lettuces bagged salad because of possible risk for Salmonella contamination. The recall is in effect in Alabama, Florida, Illinois, Indiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Mississippi, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Virginia, and Wisconsin.

During routine testing by the State of New York, some of Dole's lettuce tested positive for Salmonella.

But wait! That's not the only Salmonella contamination story for the day. There's more: Do you like spicy "Tuna" rolls?