Dear Mega M&Ms:
It has been too long since I have last seen you. When our dear mostly deaf pastor brought me news that your arrival would be delayed until May of 2014, I wept bitter tears. However am I to manage without your presence throughout this long, cold, winter? I went for a snowy walk with our mutual acquaintance King Size Snickers, but he melted, I am sorry to say, in both mouth and hand: Forgive me my infidelity. The nights are long, chocolate delicious, my belly hollow, and I am weak and sweet-toothed in disposition.
All my life, it seems, I have waited for you, as if in a dream. There are days even now when I am sure you cannot be real. As a girl, all the other women of my parish would oggle the "regular M&Ms" who strutted up and down the thoroughfare in their kidskin spats and feathered hats.