Remember that pastor, Alois Bell, who refused to tip her waitress and then got her fired for posting the note she left on her bill on Reddit? "I give God 10 percent. Why do you get 18 percent?" So not cool. Even Jesus wept. (I have it on good authority.) The Internet must respond!

And it did -- beautifully. A spoof on the infamous Applebee's pastor receipt has surfaced. It reads: "I give God 0 percent. So you get 28 percent." Well played, "Tom Joad" of Facebook (if that was yours), well played. I don't know if this is real or just photoshopped, but I love it.

There's not much to live for here in the Northeast (or is this the Mid-Atlantic? What is New York City, really). It's 3 degrees and it's so dark all the time you're not quite sure when it's day and when it's night. But! I found something that will get us out of bed in the morning. Pizza Hut has unveiled an exciting new menu item worthy of a pat on the back and a "what took ya so long?" The ubiquitous fast food chain has released the Big Pizza Slider, and they're available now.

Sing it with me! Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at suppertime. When pizza's on a bagel, you can eat piz -- wait. Did Pizza Hut just give the Bagel Bite a new name?

So I guess you heard? The flu is going around. It's waiting to find you behind every corner, with every little microscopic drop from every little sneeze and cough. And it may even be heading your way on a tray from your waiter.

Think about it: Most restaurant workers do not get paid sick leave. Any day they're home sick, they're missing out on a paycheck. So ... what are you supposed to do?!? Take some medicine and show up for work, that's what.

Suddenly that Cobb salad is looking awfully sinister.

Well shoot. I was really looking forward to sampling these potato chips I'd heard about. They're flavored like a non-alcoholic Bloody Mary, "with Worcestershire sauce and chili." Rockin', right? Oh, but just one eensy weensy little problem: They were called "Virgin Mary" potato chips. And the chips have been yanked off the shelves because people complained about the name.

The chips were sold by sandwich chain Pret A Manger. When Catholic group Protect the Pope caught wind of the snacks, they started a campaign against them, saying the name was offensive because don't you think it's a little sacrilegious to name a potato snack after the Mother of Jesus?!?

Pastor Alois Bell of the St. Louis-based Truth in the World Deliverance Ministries should probably be feeling prettty sheepish today. Last Friday, after evening services, Bell and her congregation headed to Applebee's for dinner as they did on many nights. But when she got the bill, she chose to stiff her waitress named Chelsea Welch the automatic 18 percent gratuity (for parties of eight or more -- a standard practice at MOST restaurants), writing on their receipt, "I give God 10 percent. Why do you get 18?" She then crossed out the tip line and wrote a big fat "0" with a diagonal line through it. Whoa!

That's when, understandably peeved and also amused, Welch decided to post the receipt on Reddit, where it spread like wildfire ...

Cheesy? Yes -- but in the best possible way! This story is just what you need to hear during a week that seems filled with depressing news: the wife of a soldier in Afghanistan received a very special birthday surprise on his behalf, totally free of charge.

To celebrate his wife Josephine’s birthday last week, Army National Guard Major Shawn Fulker wanted to send her a gift card to one of her favorite restaurants, Mellow Mushroom Pizza Bakery -- along with a pizza, of course! He emailed the chain's headquarters in Fleming Island, Florida, asking if he could place the order to be delivered to his home in Jacksonville and saying he'd call them with his credit card number.

Remember that one "greedy" guy in Australia who had a problem with Subway footlong sandwiches not actually measuring in at a full, well, foot long? Apparently, he was really not alone in his frustration. After he launched his Facebook campaign to complain about the chain's signature sandwich, a couple of customers stateside decided to file actual lawsuits over the measurement discrepancy. For. Real.

This week, lawsuits were filed by separate plaintiffs in Chicago and in New Jersey, each who were seeking damages because their sandwiches were missing an inch or more. The Chicago suit alleges a "pattern of fraudulent, deceptive, and otherwise improper advertising, sales, and marketing practices." And the New Jersey lawsuit seeks damages in excess of $5 million. So. Crazy!!

Oh no, not again! Remember when that poor guy found what looked like a little "wrinkled brain" in his fried chicken order? (It was just a kidney -- supposedly.) Well, it's happened again. Reddit user six6six4kids posted a photo of another little brain-looking object in his chicken and commented, "Got some KFC tonight, it tasted like death, peeled back the skin and this was inside."

I hear scary horror movie music in my head every time I see that photo. NOOO!!! (Sorry, did I just scream aloud? How embarrassing.) Not again. That's so crazy! Or is it? Maybe there are others ...