If any of the cast members of Jersey Shore should ever get engaged -- and that's a big IF, I'm totally NOT endorsing any of them to take that step -- I've got the perfect plan for them. Oh yeah, it's the perfect Valentine's Day engagement party bonanza for people with too much money and no sense at all.

I give you: The $10,000 Pizza Hut engagement party package A-YAND the $55,000 engagement cupcake! Boo-yah! $65,000 worth of heartburn, bling, and regret are now at your fingertips. How can you resist?

When I was a kid, my father used to get so upset yelling at bad calls and missed balls during the college bowl games that he finally had to stop watching them for fear of giving himself a heart attack. So it is safe to say that I grew up with an unreasonable fear of televised football, because WHO KNOWS? IT MIGHT KILL YOU.

Still, I am a wee bit envious of people who look forward to Super Bowl Sunday. Especially women who know what a touchback is and who not only own but proudly wear their favorite team's jersey. Who are they, and how did they get that way? Why aren't they spending the entire game on their laptops having emotional affairs on Facebook, flinching every time someone scores a touchdown?

I know, you could always just leave the house if you don't like the Super Bowl -- the streets are empty! It's the perfect time to go to Target! Fortunately, there are a lot of good reasons to stick around for the game.

It's come to everyone in the entire world's attention, that super star hot mom Demi Moore may be walking on the wild side. That's right, I'm talking about the former Mrs. Kutcher's Red Bull addiction. It's intense, and must be taken seriously.

It's no surprise that the horrific substance behind all of Demi's problems would be Red Bull. What is surprising, is that someone would actually drink that piss-tasting sugar drink to the point of excess. But all addictions have to start somewhere, and I'm pretty sure these are the gateway foods that got Ms. Moore -- and anyone else who has this problem -- exactly where she is today.

Stay away from these substances people, unless you want to get labeled as a Red Bull addict, and basically ridiculed for your entire life.

Every family has those special heirloom recipes they pass down from generation to generation. I come from a family of huge football fans and the recipes that we pass down all revolve around football party food. Seriously, I'm not kidding: In fact, our annual Super Bowl party was something I'd look forward to literally all year.

Here's what we'd do for the big day: We'd make a huge crock pot of chili and then a second crock of BBQ pulled pork. (And then, of course, provide all the chips, dips, and beer your stomach could handle.) You can mess around with coleslaw or pickles for toppings on the pork, but really all you need are big, fresh, toasted buns to sop up all those savory, meaty, barbecuey drippings. Are you drooling yet?

Know what goes great with the Super Bowl? Chicken Wings! Mmm, noshing on some hot, sweet-and-spicy wings with a side of ranch sauce and celery sticks sure would hit the spot. And wouldn't it be nice if some wings just showed up at your doorstep around half-time? Well, we've got you covered.

We rounded up some national chains that deliver hot wings and looked into what you get with your order. You know, just to make decision time a little easier for you.

I don't know about you, but this year we're staying home for New Year's. After an early dinner at a neighborhood restaurant, we'll be heading back to our place, moving the furniture out of the way, and dancing the night away. This means we'll need fuel!

Time to dig out some of our favorite party appetizer recipes. I'm looking for quick, easy snacks -- but something a little more exciting than potato chips and onion dip. Something light that won't weigh us down. And maybe a few unexpected treats!

Pigs in a blanket are the party app just about everybody loves -- kids and grown-ups. They're cute, little, savory, crunchy, and don't you love saying that silly name out loud? It's the snack that says "party!"

They're also incredibly easy to make -- remove from box and heat, if you can find them pre-made and frozen. If you can't find frozen pigs in a blanket, just cut up hot dogs (or buy cocktail wieners) and wrap them in triangles of puff pastry dough. Now that you know the basics, why not dress them up a little for the New Year? Rachael Ray's twist on the classic gives them extra crunch and three zingy dipping sauces for your guests to choose.

"You know what would be great?" said my husband last summer. "One of those heavy grill press things that keeps meat and bacon from curling up when you're cooking it." You know what he's getting for Christmas? A heavy grill press thing that keeps bacon from curling up when you cook it. He never bothered to put it on his wish list, I just made a mental note and bought one, and I plan to pat myself on the back every time he uses it.

This, I like to think, exemplifies a crucial aspect of skillful gift-giving: listening. Another crucial aspect: remembering. Also crucial: time, money, and feeling some affection for the person you're buying for.

But what if it's December 22 and none of those aspects are in place, and suddenly you need to pick up a little something for the person in your office who invited you to cocktails Friday night? Or your husband's step-sister who suddenly decided to fly in from Norway? Or the sitter who's coming. over. right. now?