When it comes to potluck weddings, I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, if a potluck wedding was what a friend or family member truly wanted to celebrate their marriage, than I'd get over myself and happily bring a dish to share. On the other, if the couple getting married expects me to pony up for their wedding banquet, then they'd better not expect me to get them a gift, too. Just saying.
Is that completely heartless of me?
Recently, Cafemoms weighed-in on whether or not they thought a potluck wedding is tacky. Several of the moms were a little more compassionate than I just was above, reasoning that potlucks are a good way to go, especially if the couple needs to save money.
For example, Bethsunshine said: I think a potluck sounds like a great idea and a lot of fun... This way, everyone will feel as if they're a part of your special day.
I liked Antivaccinemom's response as well: This is your wedding, and if you have lots of stuck-up people for relatives and family then, yes, potluck is tacky! If you are inviting friends and family who love you and know you don't have oodles of money to spend then it's NOT tacky at all. (Gulp. Do I qualify as a "stuck-up" guest?)
But the majority of moms seemed to be against the potluck idea, arguing that it's too much to ask your guests to help with the food. Instead, they offered the following cost-saving alternatives:
- Asking the help of very close family and friends to chip in to help with all of the cooking.
- Serving simple snacks or finger foods (versus an entire meal).
- Skiping the reception and having guests gather after the ceremony at a family member's house for wedding cake and punch.
What do you think about these ideas? Do you think a potluck wedding is tacky?
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Comments 14
I don't think it's tacky. I think it's a nice way of getting family and friends involved and is much nicer than a stiff, catered occasion (I bet the food would be tastier too!). I don't know for sure, but I'll bet this is how weddings were done in the "olden days." I went to a traditional Swahili wedding in Africa and the men slaughtered/cooked the meat and the women all got together to make dishes the day before the wedding. It was part of the event and really special. If I were invited to a potluck wedding, I'd make a dish and bring a gift. I do think the potluck would work better for smaller weddings though ...
If you invite your boss, all your co-workers, friends you haven't talked to in six months, etc. and ask them to bring a dish, that's tacky. If you have a small wedding with very close friends and family, then it's fine. I would take a gift and dish as well.
I love the Idea for Cake, Champagne and/or punch at a family house after the ceremony.I think I would also do horderves as well.Much cheaper and it can still be catered and be elegant.
I don't think it's tacky at all. I'd ask my family members or close friends to bring something but might leave out co workers or people were just not as close. A wedding should be what you want it to be not anyone else
Its not tacky if it fits the couple. What is tacky is spending money you don't have on one day. I personally feel you should only be inviting people to witness your union to your beloved who truly love the both of you and know you well enough to know why your day is the way it is, without judgement.
We had a potluck.
But of course, we invited everyone a week before the big day by word of mouth. It was VERY informal. And we did provide dessert.
As long as the couple is happy what else matters? If you know them well bring something you love to make.If you don't know them well bring something from the store. Some Memorable weddings I've attend included a picnic with Kentucky Fried chicken (I kid you not!) A wedding thrown as a surprise party by the couple. A wedding on a cruise ship given on the 4Th of July. After the ceremony, there was a large fireworks display. In this day and age anything goes with love.
I think a better option would be to have picnic style food. like buns,sandwichmeat, fresh fruit, and veg tray. Potluck would be tacky
I think it depends on your family. My mom's family is very close and pot-luck is how we do almost every party (although I don't recall ever having a pot-luck wedding, one cousin did do a buffet with pasta and chicken). It is just assumed with parties that people will bring something to pass around. Or, at least that was how it was when I was a kid. Now that my cousins are adults and we all have kids they are getting singier. No one wants to spend a little money and time to make up a dish (they usually just drop a couple bags of cheap chips and a 2 liter of soda and say that's their donation).
For my wedding I wasn't going to do pot-luck but I had wanted (it never happened) to do a BBQ at a local park...chicken, burgers, hot dogs, potato salad, etc. And it was going to be BYOD (bring your own drinks, don't think alcohol was allowed at the park) with us probably providing water and lemonade or something. I'm sure I would have had family bring a dish to pass anyway. We never got that wedding so it didn't matter.
I have been to worse. I got invited to a FORMAL wedding, had to buy a gown and all. Bought them a very nice gift. And when we got there we waited 3 hours to eat, no horderves or anything, just water. Then it was cold cut sandwiches, the WORST pasta salad ever and water to drank. I think that in comparison pot luck is a GREAT idea. I don't mind throwing something together real quick to help them celibrate then sit in tourture.