All the Hideous Reasons the Struggle Is Real When You Grocery Shop With Kids

things that happen when shopping with kids It doesn't matter if you need a week's worth of food or simply a gallon of milk, grocery shopping with kids is rarely smooth. You can try to go in with a list and a plan and "get in and get out" as fast as possible, but most parents agree that's easier said than done. Invariably, you may experience the same shenanigans with Groundhog Day-like regularity.



The following are 25 inevitable, ugly truths about grocery shopping with kids:

1. If you go when you're hungry, you'll buy chips and guacamole instead of the kiwi and arugula on your list, and the kids will open both while you're hunting for a package of the least-fatty chicken breasts.

2. If you go when your kids are hungry, you'll all end up eating bagels.

3. You'll bump into an old boyfriend just as your child shouts, "I hate you!" because you refuse to cave on the 100 percent-sugar juice boxes.

4. When you get in the car later you discover your teeth are dotted with poppy seeds from the bagel you scarfed down while on the deli line you're convinced snaked into another county. (This explains the old boyfriend's extra-surprised expression.)

5. Keeping the kids in the cart is tougher than staying atop a mechanical bull.

6. The store has two super-cool kiddie carts shaped like cars, which your kids would actually stay in, but you have a better chance of seeing a Kardashian in the generic makeup section than of actually scoring one.

7. When you do get the kiddie cart, your kiddie sticks his head out, toppling an enormous cookware display. You then drop your list and coupons and comfort him for the next 20 minutes to prevent fellow shoppers from calling Child Protective Services. 

8. You explain for the 12th time why you can't eat bacon straight from the package.

9. You vow to buy kale as soon as you figure out a way to cook it while tossing a bag of gummy bears into the cart.

10. Because your kids are fighting over the health benefits of fruit roll-ups, you completely forget to buy dog food ... again.

11. You run into the PTO president who asks you to chair the plant sale committee ... again.

12. While you're thinking up an excuse, your child removes an orange from the bottom row of an enormous fruit pyramid causing a produce aisle avalanche worthy of a Spielberg film.

13. Even if you get in the shortest line, you will always wait the longest.

14. The person ahead of you on the Express Lane will have no fewer than 53 items and a coupon for each.

15. Coupons! You discover all your coupons and bags are in the car!

16. You have to pay 25 cents for each bag AND look like you're trying to kill the planet -- oh, the shame!

17. The staples that you bought last week, like peanut butter and tampons, are half-price this week.

18. Your bagger puts your loaf of bread UNDER your watermelon.

19. Your cashier says, "Three of these eggs are cracked, you still want 'em?" You buy them because you're pretty sure your kid, screaming, "I'm a chicken! I'm a chicken!" sat on them.

20. You feel like you're promoting your Kindergartener's independence by letting her steer the shopping cart -- until she rear ends an old woman with a cane.

21. You furtively try to hide your pints of ice cream beneath a spaghetti squash when you see your neighbor (the personal trainer) approaching with a basket full of carrots and air.

22. You spend twice as much as you budgeted and most of it is on sugar cereals.

23. You stroll past the gluten-free aisle and wonder if giving up grains could calm your kids, who are currently trying to jump off shelves into a mattress made of jumbo packs of paper towels.

24. You threaten to leave the kids in the frozen food aisle if they don't stop whining. A passing teen gives you side-eye, causing you to bark, "Just you wait, missy!"

25. You leave the store without the main ingredient for tonight's dinner, forcing you to either go back inside and do it all over again or order take-out.

You order take-out.


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