12 Ways I'm Not Going to Embarrass My Family on Super Bowl Sunday (God Willing)

woman wild
You don't have to attend the big game to know that the Super Bowl can get a little rowdy. In fact, sometimes the wildest and wackiest things can happen right in your own home. This year, in addition to not eating all the mozzarella sticks while I'm alone in the kitchen, I have made a list of the other things I won't be doing on Super Bowl Sunday. Because #goals.


To spare my kids and hubby some game day embarrassment, here are a dozen things I'm not going to do during this year's Super Bowl. (At least I hope I won't.)

1. Weep for 10 minutes after the Budweiser Clydesdale commercial airs.

2. Have two pints of craft beer and then forget that I need oven mitts to remove a bubbling artichoke dip from the oven.

3. Grab the remote control, flip on Downton Abbey during the fourth quarter, and refuse to change the channel.

4. Serve as everyone's bitter waitress, just because I don't "get" football.

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5. Pretend a chicken drumstick is a microphone and attempt to belt out the national anthem in front of all my neighbors.

6. Wish everyone would go the hell home by half-time. Did I say that out loud?

7. Gag when that same guest shows up with deviled eggs again.

8. Buy twice as many bags of chips as I really need so I can chow down 'til St. Paddy's day.

9. Look the other way when my kids are double-dipping.

10. Force guests to listen to my theory that Peyton Manning triumphing over Cam Newton is as epic as any Star Wars good-versus-evil battle.

11. Profess my undying love for Chris Martin during Coldplay's half-time show.

12. Eat two dozen jalapeño poppers and feel visibly awful before the game ends.



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