How to Skin a Watermelon & Why It's a Complete Waste of Time (VIDEO)

Hey kids, check out this amazing skinned watermelon trick. You split open the rind and wowzers! The juicy red inside of the watermelon pops out like a giant capsule. It's so smooth. How'd they do it? Wouldn't you like to find out?

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YouTube vlogger Mark Rober demonstrates how to pull off this feat of melon. I have to admit, it's pretty darn impressive. I mean, look at this thing! You know your kids would freak if you made this for them.

It's a beauty, right? Except wait until you find out what goes into making it. Mark says prep should take only about 10 minutes or so to make, depending on the size of your melon. But he lies. Mark! You lie! I cut things with thick rinds all the time and this will take WAYYY longer than 10 minutes.

First of all, you need two melons. TWO. So either your family loves eating watermelon for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, or you're a bartender who specializes in watermelon margaritas. Also, hope someone is helping you carry both of these.

Of course, you could just use baby watermelons.

Anyway, then you're going to spend the next few hours laboriously hacking the rind completely from one of these melons. You weren't planning to get anything else done today, were you? No laundry, errands, games? Good.

Here's the part where I would step back and say, ta-da! I'm done!

But no. You are so not done at this point. Grab some dish scrubbing pads, for there is melon sanding to do.

Friends, if you ever find me sanding watermelon flesh with a dish scrubber like an anal-retentive maniac please sit me down with a strong cup of coffee and call a therapist.

You're still not done!

Pick up that second melon, slice it in half, and gut it. This is a good time to take out your frustrations that you ever tried this quixotic melon project at all. Who makes crafts with fruit? Make sure your kids are out of the room so they can't hear you cursing.

Next you'll meticulously carve out every last bit of flesh from each half. Is this what you hoped for, when you became a mom? That you could someday find yourself spending 90 minutes scraping melon off the inside of a rind with a spoon, unable to tell the difference between the sweat from your brow and your tears of fatigue and frustration?

NOW YOU ARE FINISHED. Mark says the coolest part is you can put it together and take it to a party and impress your friends. But he is wrong.

This is the coolest part: Ooh, look! You've got a circumcised melon!

No wait, this is the coolest part: Show everyone how you put a condom on your melon.

You were planning on washing your kid's hair tonight anyway, right?

Okay, maybe you still want to make the skinned melon for your Labor Day weekend barbecue. Here's the full tutorial. But don't say I didn't warn you! 

 

Images via Praphan Jampala/Shutterstock; Mark Rober/YouTube

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