Gwyneth Paltrow Goes All Working Class With a Little Suburban Cuisine

gwyneth paltrow

I thought this was just an ordinary day. But then I opened this week's Goop newsletter and there it was: "Easy Crock-Pot Meals." That's right, two things I never thought I'd see together: Gwyneth Paltrow and the word "Crock-Pot."

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Not even "slow cooker," which is the word fancy food writers use when they're trying to elevate "Crock-Pot" from its lowly, down-home origins. No, she used the American suburban word, without irony.

Has the whole world gone upside-down? Or is Gwyneth so determined to prove her relatability that she's finally nailed the one thing we all have in common: A fondness for mushy, one-pot, nearly-unidentifiable meals that essentially cook themselves?

Well hell's bells, now that she's gone Crock-Pot who's to tell what other lowbrow territory Gwyneth may explore next!

1. Sock Monkey DIY: Don't buy it from that nice toy store that sells only German-made Waldorf toys. Make your own.

2. Scrapbooking 101: Your favorite memories, collected in a book alongside too many stickers and doo-dads. Glitter!!!

3. How to Style Capris Like a Boss: Oh my God, they're unflattering even on me! Don't let Tracy Anderson see me like this -- she'll think I'm cheating on my workout. Get them off of me. GET THEM OFF.

4. Crescent Roll Recipes: Did you know there's this refrigerated dough? And you can make all kinds of things with it? And ... wait, is it gluten-free, though?

5. Homemade Febreze: Because ugh, everything smells so wrong! Simply light your favorite Diptyque candle and that'll do it.

6. 5 Super-Cheap Spring Dresses: We found fab bargains at Old Marine! And DJ Penny's! And the Bull's Eye? What's that store called again?

7. Decorating With The Lord: How to frame your favorite portraits of Jesus with sustainable wood frames, even if you're a total agnostic. Maybe you just want to make your very religious mother feel more at home.

8. Non-toxic tips for cleaning your home with your own two hands instead of hiring someone else to do it: Haha, no.

Oh the fun we'll have in this New World Order. I cannot wait for the next Goop issue!

Admit it, you're dying to try Gwyneth's Crock-Pot bean stew with kale and escarole, right?

 

Image via Christopher Peterson/Splash News

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