I have an eating problem: I can be a bit sloppy. Burritos explode on me, I get cupcake frosting on my nose every time, and don't even get me started on eating salad in public. (WTF are you supposed to do with those big leaves? Folding over with a fork is HARD.) And then there's eating hamburgers -- so messy! One bite from one end means an evacuation of tomato, mayo, and pickles out the other side of my burger. But it doesn't have to be this way. Through trial and error, I have found a few tricks to eating a hamburger the tidy way.
1. Angle your burger toward your mouth. When you go for a bite, tip your burger at an angle toward your mouth. Otherwise, holding it tipped the other way just lets gravity pull all your toppings out of the burger.
2. Layer toppings strategically. See if you can avoid putting your most slippery toppings next to each other. For example: Bun, mustard, tomato, lettuce, melted cheese, patty, mayo. Separating the tomato from the mayo could be key.
3. Remove the seeds from your tomato. This makes your tomato less slippery! Also a great trick for keeping packed sandwiches from going soggy.
4. Avoid overloading your burger with wet toppings. Self control, ugh, you are no fun at all!
5. Grip it on the other end. This is the most important one: You have to hold the farther end of your burger between your ring and pinky fingers. That helps keep your meal from spiraling down into total chaos. I've been doing this for years and thought we all knew about it -- but perhaps not?
Here's a video demonstrating the proper hamburger grip:
Can I just point out? He looks awfully smug for having figured out the right way to eat a hamburger. Congratulations, Dude, for learning how to eat in public at the age of 30! Welcome to civilization. Some of us figured out that trick in college, but good on you. Never too late to learn.
What do you think is the messiest food you eat?