5 Festivus Recipes for a Holiday Menu for the Rest of Us

Adriana Velez | Dec 11, 2013 Food & Party

m&m cakeIt's that time of the year, my friends. No -- I don't mean Christmas, although merry merry and good luck with all that. I mean the festival for the rest of us: Festivus. This is the holiday made famous by the ancient television show, Seinfeld, in which we all stand around the aluminum Festivus pole and air our grievances. Then we perform feats of strength. It's really that simple, and I honestly don't understand why this holiday isn't more popular, especially with those of you with children.

Oh wait, now I remember why: Because no one knows how to cook for Festivus. Well never you fear! We have a Festivus recipe roundup that will help you prepare a feast -- no, actually, it's not going to be a feast because that would not be in the Festivus spirit. But with a minimum of effort, you can present a holiday meal that will embarrass no one.

  • Baked Ham



    Baked ham recipe: Seinfeld writer Dan O'Keefe wrote the book on Festivus -- literally: The Real Festivus. For his celebrations he had ham or turkey. But don't go to any trouble! Baked ham is fine.

  • Basic Meatloaf


    Kevin May/Flickr

    The Best Basic Meatloaf Recipe: But if you're up for something different, meatloaf works. Don't get too fancy there. A simple meatloaf is all any of us deserve. And don't try to add any show-offy special ingredients, either. Save your showing off for the Feats of Strength. For now all we need is some iron and starch.

  • Rice



    How to Cook Rice on the Stove: Hey, some people don't know how to cook rice, okay? Here's how. Usually we recommend mashed potatoes, but we figured we'd mix it up a little this year and go with rice instead. White rice. Wheee!

  • Roasted Rutabaga


    Omid Tavalli/Flickr

    Roasted Rutabaga: Normally I'd say boil some Brussels sprouts, but those have gotten all too trendy of late. So settle for some roasted rutabaga instead.

  • Bagels



    Do not, under any circumstances, serve bagels. In the Seinfeld Festivus episode, Kramer is denied time off from work at a bagel factory (where workers have been on strike for 12 years). So he pickets the plant, chanting, "Festivus yes! Bagels no!"

  • Cake With M&M's


    don gillard/Flickr

    Easy Chocolate Cake Recipe: O'Keefe's family typically served Pepperidge Farms cake with M&M's. But if you insist on baking from scratch (need I remind you again about the feats of strength?), here is an easy chocolate cake recipe. Decorate with M&M's and you're set. Enjoy!

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