Everybody has a favorite dish that they look forward to seeing grace the table when the time comes for their annual Thanksgiving feast. Some relish tucking into green bean casserole (let's be real -- it's all about those fried onion thingies by French's). For others, it's cornbread dressing or those extra-special garlic mashed potatoes. Mmmm, mashed potatoes. Well damn. Now I've made myself hungry. Awesome. Moving on.
For all the variety of dishes available, I don't think anybody looks forward to cranberry sauce the way they do to other stuff you find during the season. Cranberry sauce isn't hated to the degree fruit cake is in most circles, but no one is exactly singing its praises either. That's really too bad, if you ask me. Because even if you can't get down with the tartness, cranberry sauce has so much to offer.
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You might not know it, but cranberry sauce is the most versatile good currently chillin' in your abode. There's no limit to what this jelly-with-attitude can do. I'm not talking about using it in sandwiches or as a key ingredient in desserts, though those are certainly yummy options. I'm talking about 6 different uses for cranberry sauce that have goose-egg to do with eating. Here they are!
While this one still technically involves ingesting the stuff, the addition of alcohol makes it fresh. Open a can of sauce. Pour vodka into the can, being mindful of spillage. Stir (or don't, your choice), then drink up and enjoy that face-numbing wonder of the season.
2. Catch Turkeys!
It is a little known fact that turkeys in the wild are drawn to cranberry sauce. Leave some in dishes in your yard and watch them flock. Keep them as pets or on deck as next's year main course! I have five pet turkeys. I've named each one after Benedict Cumberbatch. It's very, very confusing.
3. Face Masks!
DIY beauty alert, y'all! The acidic properties of the berries make this stuff a great face mask. Try some before dinner and everyone will have two big questions for you: "Where do you get your youthful glow?" and "Where is the cranberry sauce?"
4. Weaponize It!
While I don't condone violence, I do believe in self-defense. Some mugger goes for your purse? CRAN-BOMB HIM. Those cans pack one hell of a wallop. Home-slice won't try that again. Additionally you'll get to yell some hilarious action movie-worthy punchlines like, "Gobble, gobble, mother-plucker."
Dry, cracked heels? Elephant elbows? Easily cured with a little cranberry scrub! The sugar content acts as a natural scrubbing agent. You'll basically start hoarding the stuff -- and we don't blame you.
Loads of cranberry sauce left over after the big event? Gather the kids around for some post-dinner crafting! Plain white shirts, some rubber bands, and a vat of cranberry sauce all add up to equal some pretty killer threads.
What unconventional uses do you have for foods in your cupboard?
Image via Half Chinese/Flickr