It's Thanksgiving! Time to loosen your belt, find your stretchy pants, and call dibs on the most comfortable spot on the couch because it's time to fill your gut with the most glutinous foods around. T-day isn't the time to worry about if your butt is going to jiggle like cranberry sauce, it's time to be thankful for all the wild, wacky, and wonderful things in your life. Speaking of ... what a wild, wacky, and wonderful life it is, right?
People can tell a lot about your life by what you eat and how you eat it. You are what you eat kind of thing, but in a whole other realm of weird. These are my guesses of what your style of Thanksgiving dinner says about you. See if I'm spot on.
If you are a get a free turkey from all the points you've acquired on your grocery store shopping card kind of Thankgivinger, you're probably not much into brands or reading labels. The amount of nitrates doesn't concern you nor if your bird comes with a little extra something unnatural. In fact, you like to call your turkey a "bird." Your idea of watching sports on TV is watching the stocks and you probably love cranberry sauce all jiggly and fresh with those rings around it that only a can can deliver. You also probably make the best sides out of everyone, sparing not a calorie, and everyone takes a long nap after some bird eatin' at your house.
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If you are an organic only find me a free range turkey that was lovingly killed while someone sang "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" to it kind of person, you might drive a hybrid. You kind of wish you were a tofu-turkey kind of person but you just can't quit the meat provided it was grass-fed. Chances are high there isn't a lot of gluten on your table, if any at all. After dinner, the conversation moves on to how to find alternate power sources.
If you are deep frying your turkey, you prepare it with so much excitement, others would think you are on the finale of a cooking show. You may even wear an apron bought especially for this occasion. You've been described as a foodie or food snob, or maybe you just describe yourself as such, and you are the kind of person who swirls their wine before they taste it. You may also be a firefighter who is properly equipped in case there is a deep frying incident.
If you microwave the turkey meat you got at the deli counter and call it Thanksgiving dinner, you're either single and eating alone or brand new sleep-deprived parents who just want to shove food in your mouths fast so you can nap when baby naps. You're probably excited about football and the nachos you are calling a side dish. You are definitely a person who prefers to eat your bird off the bone.
If you say you hate turkey but only love Thanksgiving for the sides, you may also be one of those wish-you-could-love-tofu-turkey kind of people, but you've tasted that fake stuff and know better. You probably need applesauce as one of your sides and you slather it on everything. You see the gravy boat and fear there isn't enough gravy to make everything taste that much better. Chances are you will eat way too much but still have plenty of room for dessert, only to nearly pass out from the starch-filled food Olympics you put your body through. You might also own dark-rimmed glasses and prefer reading to anything on TV on Turkey Day.
If you go out to eat, chances are your dishwasher is broken or you don't own one. Or your apartment's stove is just way too small (just like the kitchen). You are probably an excellent pen pal or emailer or phone caller because most of your family is thousands of miles away from where you live and it's how you keep in touch. Or you are all just so tired of Aunt Emma nearly burning the house down with her attempted cooking show antics that your entire family decided eating out is just safer for everyone.
If you're a vegetarian and you eat that fake turkey stuff, the rest of us feel sad for you.
Happy Thanksgiving! I'm thankful you read this.
What kind of Thanksgiving person are you? Was the description accurate?
Image via Steve A Johnson/Flickr