We make a nearly countless amount of inconsequential decisions every day. When we wake up, we decide whether or not to shower. Lunchtime rolls around and we decide if we're going to have a double cheeseburger or a cup of lukewarm chicken broth. We might not give many of these choices a lot of thought, but they say a lot about us. Just like the bumps on our skulls can indicate whether or not we will ever murder a rabbit just to feel its life-force stop under our cruel ministrations.
The choices we make say a lot about who we are. It goes to follow that the drinks we choose to imbibe on the regs provide loads of insight as to who we are as people. Even the most reticent personality can drop hints about their secret and sparkling inner lives by ordering an Italian Soda. Also I love Italian Soda, the idea of it anyway, I don't think I've ever actually had one. Except for Limonata -- does that count?
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I've rounded up a couple popular drinks (both hard and soft) and done some totally made up buffoonery intense research about what type of person is likely to drink each one. Read on to find out just what secrets you might be spilling about yourself every time you crack open a can of your beverage of choice. What you learn might shock you or, at the very least, keep you moderately entertained. Happy hydrating!
You are most likely descended from the Puritans. You view drinking anything other than water as "frivolous." You also abjure buttons as common frippery. That said, you have VERY clear skin.
You're high energy, high octane, and little bit skittish. You've got scads on your plate and are frequently heard bemoaning the lack of hours in the day, or snoring loudly having fallen asleep, empty mug still in hand.
3.) Orange Juice
You like warm weather and old people. You find magic in the little things, struggle about when to brush your teeth in the morning so as best to avoid that terrible post-brushing OJ-drinking taste, and can be found staring at the juice section waiting for a hand to pop out from the other side offering you a fresh orange.
4.) Diet Soda
You like things sweet -- but not too sweet. You're a fastidious planner, eager to save up calories for a midnight snack, but not to straight-laced that you're willing to give up flavor. If sweatbands were still in style, you'd probably wear them.
You're a hard-worker with a passion for puns and neutrally toned slacks. You recognize the value of finely crafted wood tables and have been known to slap a bartender for presenting you with any cocktail festooned with an umbrella.
If there was a way to never leave your duvet, you would find it. You like T.V., me-time, and sitcoms about groups of women finding themselves in urban settings.
Why drink something pointless when you can drink something to POWER THE MACHINE OF YOURSELF? After all -- you need it. You've still got Zumba, Spin-Class, and a Cage-Fight to get through. These blueberries won't eat themselves!
There's no real way to beat about the bush here -- if you are drinking blood, you are probably a vampire. Either that, or you are a psychopath. Either way, it is concerning to me that reading the Internet is how you choose to pass your time. Still, no judgment.
You are dead. OR UNDEAD -- ZOMBIE GET OFF THE STIR THIS VERY SECOND.
What's your favorite beverage?
Image via Alan Cleaver/Flickr