One of humanity's greatest traits is our unflagging desire to achieve new heights. Tired of traveling hither and yon by foot, man created cars. Tired of driving and also drowning in the ocean, man created airplanes. Tired of eating tiny-ass jive-turkey food -- MAN CREATED A 45-POUND CHICKEN NUGGET.
I think when a chicken nugget can be laid out flat in your driveway and mistaken for a dead human, it has probably left the territory of nugget-hood. Still, the achievement is great. What can I say? We are an almost sacredly awesome creation -- good on us, mankind. When it comes to food, we understand that bigger is better -- especially in America.
We are the land of refillable sodas the size of your head! We relish our gallon buckets of popcorn at the movie theatre! We wrap our burgers in donuts and substitute bacon for bread! We love food, and we love it big -- which is also very much what she said. She being the protagonist of 9 1/2 Weeks. Food sex humor, yeah!
If there is a food the world has deemed to be delicious, there is a group of people who have sought to make it bigger. Behold, here are five such foods made giant by the splendid innovations of man. Check them out -- and I dare you not to finish feeling famished.
What food would you like to see super-sized?
Image via Empire Kosher
This nugg' took SIX people THREE hours to make. It's in celebration of Empire Kosher's 75th anniversary! Friends take note -- when I turn 40, I want a 40-pound chicken wing presented to me, so get to genetically modifying monster-poultry y'all!