7 Facts You Never Knew About Thanksgiving

LOL 51

turkey Before you know it, Thanksgiving will be upon us. Roll out the bucket you reserve to throw up into table-side, 'cause you're gonna need it! Traditionally this holiday occurs so that Americans everywhere can demonstrate how to distend their jaws and forget the horrible atrocities committed against the Native Americans back in the days of the dour Puritans and their flashy shoes.

We all have a pretty nebulous picture of what Thanksgiving is, and we are all hilariously incorrect. There's a lot of misinformation when it comes to talking about this holiday. Since I consider it my life's mission to make sure we all know exactly why one day a year daddy eats until he cries, I've gathered some facts about Thanksgiving that might help you come to understand the holiday a little bit better.

More from The Stir: 10 Tips on Cooking Thanksgiving Dinner Without All The Stress

We know that Thanksgiving was first celebrated by the pilgrims, and we know that Squanto had something to do with it. But what about the pies and the feast and the booze? What's the deal there? Here are some weird facts that will change the way you think about Thanksgiving* forever. #Sorrynotsorry

1. There Was No Turkey!

They probably didn't have turkey, and if they did it was wild, not the type we're used to inahling. This is good news for those of us who would rather pass on the dry, sleep-inducing bird. The bad news is that rather than turkey, the crew feasted on the internal organs of local deer. Mmmmm, harrowing.

2. It Was 3 Days Long

Get ready to rock you guys. Rather than one day of feasting, the original Thanksgiving went on for days. Insert in-law joke here. Also smallpox, because everyone was riddled with smallpox.

3. E'erybody Got Crunk

While I doubt tops were removed, everybody partook of alcoholic beverages -- even the kids! This means that at least one person disapproved and bellowed, "WHAT IS THIS, FRANCE?" Because our casual francophobia is not new.

4. No Native Americans Allowed!

Yeah, it's not likely the Americans even invited the tribes who helped them survive to eat with them. If anything, they offered them food as payment and then crossed themselves in fear for their lives having made direct contact with their rescuers.

5. Why We Have 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' To Thank

Here's a silver lining - Sarah Josepha Hale, the author of Mary Had a Little Lamb, suggested making Thanksgiving a more widely acknowledged holiday than it was in an effort to keep the nation from dividing over the issue of slavery. The Civil War still happened, but so did Thanksgiving -- so there's that.

6. There Is Another One in December

Fun fact, during the Revolutionary War the Continental Congress declared December 18th Thanksgiving...for the American triumph at Saratoga. So should you find yourself antsy between our Turkey Day and Christmas -- invite your friends over to gourge in honor of BEATING THE TAR OUT OF THE BRITISH.

7. There Was Not Really Feasting

In news surprising no one, the Puritans were not a riotously fun lot. It goes to follow that their "Thanksgiving" involved less stuffing and more countless hours of prayer. Rock on with your clothes on, Puritans.

Do you have any Thanksgiving traditions that are a little bit odd?


Image via wattpublishing/Flickr



*Canada has Thanksgiving too, but we're not discussing it here BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA. Additionally, Thanksgiving is celebrated on the tentacle planet of Throbtron. The more you know.

holidays, in the news, thanksgiving


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nonmember avatar Melissa

NO. SHIT. Really though, do you think that you are some genius and the rest of the mothers are idiots? "The turkeys were wild"...given that they were a new settlement, NO SHIT. This article is more insulting to mothers everywhere than informative. Being a mother does NOT mean we didn't get degrees.

Angie... AngieHayes

Rule Number 1: Do Not Eat Turkeys! 

AMom29 AMom29

The word is "gorge", not "gourge".  

eat a large amount greedily; fill oneself with food.

"the river comes alive during March when fish gorge on caddisworms"

synonyms: stuffcramfill

informalpig out

"they gorged themselves on cake"

devourguzzlegobble, gulp (down), wolf (down);

informaldemolish, polish off, scoff (down), down, stuff one's face with;

scarf (down/up)

"vultures gorged on the flesh"

 "Gourgé" is a commune in the Deux-Sèvres department in the Poitou-Charentes region in western France

handy... handy0318

The fact that the Wampanoag were invited is documented by Edward Winslow, one of those present. As a matter of fact, he records that there were far more Wampanoag than there were Pilgrims so Massaoit sent some of his men out to bring back some deer. 

Winslow's account in updated English:

"our harvest being gotten in, our governor sent four men on fowling, that so we might after a 

special manner rejoice together, after we had gathered the fruits of our labors; they four in one day 

killed as much fowl, as with a little help beside, served the Company almost a week, at which time 

amongst other Recreations, we exercised our Arms, many of the Indians coming amongst us, and 

amongst the rest their greatest king Massasoit, with some ninety men, whom for three days we 

entertained and feasted, and they went out and killed five Deer, which they brought to the 

Plantation and bestowed on our Governor, and upon the Captain and others. And although it be 

not always so plentiful, as it was at this time with us, yet by the goodness of God, we are so far 

from want, that we often wish you partakers of our plenty." 

From Mourt's Relation: A Journal of the Pilgrim's at Plymouth

elasmimi elasmimi

I'm not a huge turkey fan, only eat it on Thanksgiving, but I'll never be eating ANY internal organs!

mrswi... mrswillie

No wierd traditions here. lol

Mom2j... Mom2jngnc

No wierd traditions here, but over all find the tone of the article rude. 

MamaM... MamaMandee

I think the only odd thing is I put the turkey in & then head to Kmart for their Thanksgiving day sale lol

arpazia arpazia


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