5 Strange Holiday Candies to Disgust & Delight (PHOTOS)

bad santaThe holiday season is fast upon us! Quick, everyone take a minute to breathe into this only-slightly-greasy paper bag, which I have procured to soothe the panic attack that my initial exclamation has induced. Better? Good! IT IS ALMOST THANKSGIVING, WHICH MEANS IT IS ALMOST CHRISTMAS.

I have just proven how easy it is to get overwhelmed during this joyous tide of yules and turkeys. There's so much pressure to make sure that everything is "perfect." This concept is a borked one from go, because "perfect" is about as real as unicorns twirling on a stripper's pole while Bigfoot accompanies them with some killer castanet action.

More from The Stir: Get in the Halloween Spirit With These Creepy Treats From Around the World!

It's critical to remember that this time of year is supposed to be fun. It's supposed to joyful. It's an opportunity not to take things so seriously. That is why it is the Joker's favorite time of year. I am kidding, we all know that the Joker prefers Arbor Day for reasons inexplicable. 

To that end, here are some sweet treats that keep in mind the true reason for the season -- humor! We've rounded up some of the weirdest holiday candies we could find and put them in a slide-show for your amusement. Because second only to text messaging, internet slide-shows are the great technology every devised. Add a laugh to the stocking of someone you know who could use this chortle this year.

Do you have any weird food traditions for the holidays?


Images via epicharmus/Flickr; ThinkGeek; Jones Soda; Gadgets&Gear; Stupid; Amazon

  • Sriracha Candy Canes


    Image via ThinkGeek

    Nothing says "Merry Christmas" like a candy cane that is guaranteed to make your eyes water. These tasty treats contain everybody's favorite hot sauce! I like to put it on my eggs -- the sauce, not the candy canes. Don't be weird, you guys.

  • Turkey & Gravy Soda


    Image via Jones Soda

    Oh my god I think I just ralphed into my soda. Not that you could tell. Because this bottled turkey dinner already tastes like the fresh hell of drinking the bile of another. Still, it's low-carb AND hilarious!

  • Gravy Candy Canes


    Image via Gadgets&Gear

    Love candy canes but hate how they leave you with that minty fresh breath? Then by all means, please enjoy these gravy candy canes out in the garage while the rest of your family eats delicious food like NORMAL PEOPLE YOU MONSTER.

  • Thanksgiving Gumballs


    Image via Stupid

    All the deliciousness of your favorite meal of the year with none of the work! Now instead of building family traditions that last a lifetime, you can all chew this weird gum together and make awkward eye contact and try to ignore you burgeoning hunger pains.

  • Snowman Poop


    Image via Amazon

    Ah yes, the clean purity of freshly driven snow. Now that very bastion of winter splendor has been sullied with an assist courtesy of "snowman poop." The white chocolate flecks don't taste like shit, but don't let that stop you from enjoying them.

candy christmas holidays thanksgiving

More Slideshows