The 'Ex-Wife' Cocktail & 7 More Drinks Devoted to Annoying Jerks

smoking cocktailLooks like a jilted former spouse is taking out his irritation on his ex in what can only be described in an utterly passive-aggressive move: By offering an outrageously overpriced "Ex-Wife" cocktail on the menu of Le Bistro Montage in Portland, Oregon. The libation costs $250K and is described resentfully as, "Nighttrain and Thunderbird on the rocks (payable in monthly installments for the rest of your life)." Eye roll.

Okay, it's worth a smirk, but when you look right above it on the menu and see that the "Ex-Husband" drink is just $5 and consists of well bourbon and a Rainier beer -- "who could ask for more?" -- it's obvious that the bitterness on this cocktail menu is a bit unbalanced, shall we say? Obviously, there are plenty of irritating types -- women and men! -- who also deserve cutting cocktail recipes!

Here, seven other drink ideas inspired by other obnoxious people worthy of a jab ...

  1. The Mother-in-Law - An old-school martini double the size of a regular one. (To help you cope with her extra-long visit.)
  2. The Two-Faced Cheater - Grey Goose vodka with a twist. (But no, really, we'll just use bottom-shelf Everclear that leaves you feeling jaded, sick, and taken for a ride.)
  3. The Frenemy - Just an empty glass with a note inside that says, "You don't really need the calories, do you?"
  4. The Ex-Boyfriend - A double shot of the most expensive liquor on the menu. Must be paid for on your credit card. Just like everything else.
  5. The Creeper - A mysterious, tepid, clear liquid* served in a jelly jar with a ski hat koozie. (*We cannot guarantee that it is not roofied.)
  6. The Chronically Unfaithful - Vodka, rum, a double shot of bourbon, a splash of soda, and eh, while we're at it, some beer for good measure, because why choose just one?
  7. The 35-Year-Old Frat Boy - A red Solo cup (of course) filled with PBR. You also get a five-minute comedy show that is basically a regurgitation of lines from every Tosh.0/Adam Sandler/Will Ferrell/Seth MacFarlane script ever.

What's your drink recipe for someone who drives you nuts?


Image via aoifemac/Flickr

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