Man Suffers Most 'Tragic' Food Crime of the Century

LOL 11

jelloAt some point in every person's life, we have to answer for ourselves this crucial question: How important is Jell-O to me? Gelatin desserts, wiggly, shivery, translucent blocks of sweet mystery. Can we live without it? Or do we need it like water and air? One man decided gelatin was very important to him indeed -- so important that he called the cops when his Jell-O was stolen from his workplace break room

Not okay, Jell-O thieves. Not okay.

The 39-year-old Pennsylvania man was really looking forward to eating his strawberry-flavored Jell-O snack. He was probably aware that the strawberry flavoring in no way resembled the actual flavor of a real strawberry, but that was not the point. He wanted that sweet, red, jiggly dessert. He deserved that sweet, red, jiggly dessert. Lo and behold, when 11:30 p.m. rolled around, he discovered to his horror that his snack was missing. He looked everywhere. Faced with the inevitable conclusion that his snack had been stolen, he did the only thing a sane man could do under the circumstances: He called the police.

More from The Stir: The Craziest Fast Food Crimes Ever

Readers, the police responded. They came, they saw, and the Jell-O theft remains an "open investigation." You see, the police, too, must have reached the same conclusion about the importance of Jell-O. Think they would have worked so feverishly if it had been chocolate pudding or a banana that went missing? Hell no.

Apparently there have been other thefts at the workplace break room, but surely none so onerous as the theft of one gelatin dessert. Who could be so depraved? When The Stir finds out who the culprit is, you'd better believe we'll be posting his/her mugshot in a prominent place on the website for all the world to see. Let this be a lesson to you all, Jell-O stealers. Gelatin belongs only in the hands of the honest and virtuous.

Has anyone ever stolen your food from your workplace break room or kitchen?


Image via steven depolo/Flickr

in the news, snacks


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kckcm2 kckcm2

Rolf fantastic


Do they not have real crime in Pa? I haven't heard anything so ridiculous since Ross Geller screamed about his sandwich.

Choco... Chocodoxies

You have revitalized my enjoyment of The Stir. You alone, with our hilarious and honest description of such an atrocious crime have roped me back into the fold. Don't disappoint me.

MamaD... MamaDV1012

OMG, I can't stop laughing at all the hilariousity on these "news" stories.  Someone please tell this man to grow up and buy a cooler for Pete's sake. 

hexxuss hexxuss

LMAO!! After I chuckled & read your question, I had something WORSE than having my food stolen happen.  The thief went into my leftover Calamari, ate some, and put the REST BACK!  Just ew... and no... naturally I threw the rest out.  After that I started putting the director's name on my food (they worked in another state but hey, never know when they visit right?) - food never got stolen again.

nonmember avatar lilia

Funny! I used to keep a Pepsi in the work fridge with my initials on the bottom of the can so there would be no "mistake". But someone kept stealing them. So one day I shook one up really well before the end of work (when they seemed to "walk out"). I'm sure the thief got a big surprise when they opened it in their car and got a soda shower. My sodas never went missing again, for over 2 years.

Melis... Melissa1508

Hahaha!  @lilia, that's hilarious.  We used to label all our food with "Not ________'s Food".  haha  She used to steal everything.  

Misty Munson

When I was pregnant with my son I ran a small marketing firm, and a girl in our office stole my sandwich everyday! So I bought a can of fancy feast, made a sandwich, put it in the fridge then waited! It disappeared, and I later saw half of it in the trash! Lol so it apparently didn't taste too bad! After that I made 2 sandwiches a day. Mine and one for Fancy.

adopt... adoption2013

OMG I can't stop laughing

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