At some point in every person's life, we have to answer for ourselves this crucial question: How important is Jell-O to me? Gelatin desserts, wiggly, shivery, translucent blocks of sweet mystery. Can we live without it? Or do we need it like water and air? One man decided gelatin was very important to him indeed -- so important that he called the cops when his Jell-O was stolen from his workplace break room.
Not okay, Jell-O thieves. Not okay.
The 39-year-old Pennsylvania man was really looking forward to eating his strawberry-flavored Jell-O snack. He was probably aware that the strawberry flavoring in no way resembled the actual flavor of a real strawberry, but that was not the point. He wanted that sweet, red, jiggly dessert. He deserved that sweet, red, jiggly dessert. Lo and behold, when 11:30 p.m. rolled around, he discovered to his horror that his snack was missing. He looked everywhere. Faced with the inevitable conclusion that his snack had been stolen, he did the only thing a sane man could do under the circumstances: He called the police.
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Readers, the police responded. They came, they saw, and the Jell-O theft remains an "open investigation." You see, the police, too, must have reached the same conclusion about the importance of Jell-O. Think they would have worked so feverishly if it had been chocolate pudding or a banana that went missing? Hell no.
Apparently there have been other thefts at the workplace break room, but surely none so onerous as the theft of one gelatin dessert. Who could be so depraved? When The Stir finds out who the culprit is, you'd better believe we'll be posting his/her mugshot in a prominent place on the website for all the world to see. Let this be a lesson to you all, Jell-O stealers. Gelatin belongs only in the hands of the honest and virtuous.
Has anyone ever stolen your food from your workplace break room or kitchen?
Image via steven depolo/Flickr
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