I love any holiday that gives me an opportunity to eat a diet comprised of the five food groups: Candy, candy, candy, candy, and also candy. So it's no wonder Halloween is one of my favorite times of year. (I'm also fond of Thanksgiving for pie-related reasons.) Still, there are some candies so gross that even I, their most diligent consumer, won't feast upon them.
During Halloween is when they tend to rear their foul heads. Be you trick-or-treater or adult, make no mistake -- these are the Halloween candies you're bound to let sit at the bottom of the bowl until Easter.
We know them, we are grossed out by them, and now they are back, haunting us with their stale, funky tastes. In case you needed reminding of their general awfulness, we've compiled a slideshow of the worst Halloween candies in existence. Click through to see if your least fave made the list.
Did we leave something out? Let us know in the comments!
Image via Radharani/shutterstock
You know what's a universal truth about candy? It's edible. Guess what aren't edible? Wax lips. Because they are wax. Are they "flavored" wax? Sure. But having flavor doesn't change the fact that you are essentially eating a giant, wax-shaped candle. See yourself out, candy. Go wrap up some cheese or something why don't you?
This guy seems enthusiastic about the chalky atrocities he is about to ingest. He is alone. Necco Wafers were eaten by Union soldiers during the Civilzzzzzzzzz -- what? Sorry, I'm up. Yeah, no. If the only thing your candy's got going for itself is that historical reenactors carry them around as a period appropriate mid-day snack, it needs to be quietly drowned in a well.
Black licorice is an abomination. When I was a kid, I once wandered into a linen closet where my mom kept all the old Easter baskets. They were filled with ancient black jelly beans. I ate them all and fell into a deep, nightmare-filled sleep. I awoke to my mother screaming at the sight of me covered in "black ink." No good ever came out of black licorice. Get yourself together, candy.
See how that Tootsie Roll is on the ground? That's where it belongs. Tootsie Rolls are truly nefarious. They sneak up on you. They aren't terrible, but these greasy caramel lumps pretending to be chocolate certainly aren't great. Waxy, tacky, and bland, they are good only for hurling at your enemies. Strike three, you are OUT, candy.
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Circus peanuts support the argument for the non-existence of a higher power. Is it a peanut? Absolutely not. Does it taste like a peanut? If a peanut, to you, tastes like the foam you might find inside the couch cushions of a serial killer, than yes! While it looks orange, it's flavored like bananas. It's as deceptive as it is vile. The only reason to even hold one is for the purpose of shaking it while yelling, "WHY ARE THESE STILL BEING MADE?"
Dots, they're just a dental emergency in a box. Stay outta our T&T bags, please.
Nature's candy, hmmph. Mother Nature can keep her so-called candy to herself on Halloween.
Stick to Easter, you pastel-looking (and tasting) almonds. Uck!
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