Turkey & Stuffing-Scented Candle Is an Abomination of Fall

Rant 11

yankee candle turkey and stuffingYou know how out of hand the October pumpkin madness has gotten? Well, the fall flavor insanity just got a whole lot worse. Please allow me to direct your attention to the Yankee Candle turkey- and stuffing-scented candle. Are you wondering what all those words are doing together in a sentence? Me too. So I'm going to let you sit and digest that a moment.

SIGH. Turkey and stuffing smell, wafting from a candle. Hey, Yankee Candle? I just ... NO. You've gone too far this time.

Where do I even get started on this mandatory rant? Let's see, how about we are not even one week into October, the eff are you doing here with your Thanksgiving ANYTHING? Jesus Christ, let us get through Halloween first. 

There are two disastrous ways I see this playing out. Scenario number one: The candle doesn't smell like real turkey and stuffing. Because guess what? IT'S NOT REAL TURKEY AND STUFFING. It's some sort of weird chemical-derived artificial scent poured into a wax mold. It probably smells like turkey dinner vomit mixed with paraffin, the tears of your mother, and fragrance number 3856H. Yucky.

Scenario number two is that by some miracle of science, it actually does smell like turkey dinner, in which case burning it in your home will drive you mad with a very specific kind of hunger. Why would any sane person do this to themselves? There is a reason why most scented candles and room sprays smell like something we don't usually eat; it's so we won't eat the candles.

As if this isn't bad enough, Yankee Candle has a whole set of Thanksgiving-themed candles. There's cranberry sauce -- with a picture of canned fucking cranberry gel, not even real cranberries. And there's sweet potato pie, can't even imagine what hell-smell pollutes your nose when you light that one. Oh my God, I feel like hitting someone now, and that's probably the exact opposite of how these candles are probably supposed to make me feel. Someone shoot me up with a heavy dose of tryptophan, stat.

Would you buy a turkey- and stuffing-scented candle?

 

Image via Yankee Candle

thanksgiving, seasonal food

11 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

youth... youthfulsoul

Wow. Sounds like you need to engage in some meditation.


 

Allison Appleby

The candle didn't smell that bad. It mostly smelled like herbs. The sweet potato pie one was ghastly however. I wouldn't light one in my house but I was curious.

nonmember avatar huh?

What world do you live in that most scented candles smell like something we don't usually eat? There's fruit, and pastries, and chocolate, and pies...

nonmember avatar Rachel

Not that I'll be buying it.. but it is out in perfect time for Canadian Thanksgiving which Is Oct 13....

Shandi80 Shandi80

Adriana Velez, I think you need a hug and a delicious smelling apple pie candle to cheer you up.

nonmember avatar i

up here in Canada Thanksgiving is actually next weekend so...and cranberries smell amazing and exist as lotions etc too...

Amy M. McKeehan

Just an FYI... for every Thanksgiving theme candle sold, $1 goes to the USO Holiday Box program to support our troops and their families.

nonmember avatar amy

dont like dont buy it/ plain and simple

Lorissa Delahanty-Belsches

Christ on a cracker, author! RELAX.... Its not that deep. Don't like it? Don't buy it. Simple as that.

nonmember avatar tulip

yikes! I've never seen (or read) such anger over a stupid CANDLE... relax, Max. If it stinks, don't burn it. who cares.

1-10 of 11 comments 12 Last