What's in a name, anyway, Shakespeare? Everything, if it's Conor P. Fudge and you have been arrested for stealing cakes and ice cream from a local creamery. I'd ask what the guy was thinking, but I think that's exceptionally clear. Point out the person among us who HASN'T woken up desperate to steal "all of the ice cream that there is" and I will show you a liar.
Fudge was caught on tape stealing the tasty treats, frozen or otherwise. The store's owner told police that until recently, Fudge, 25, had been an employee at the ice cream place. That makes it even more sad. Imagine the happy days of yore when Fudge was serving folks ice cream while slyly pointing out his name-tag.
Fudge broke into the shop using a key. So it was less of a break-in and more a case of "somebody really should have frisked him before they let him go." When your name is so closely associated with a product, do you have any other choice than to steal that product, get caught doing it, and provide others with a moment's passing amusement? Clearly yes, but we're all glad when someone chooses no.
Imagine if everyone whose last name was related to a food was arrested for stealing said yummy? NO WAIT DON'T ACTUALLY. Because I did it for you. Thank me later.
1. Tony Rolls - Robbed a Bakery
"You'd rather I loafed around all day?" Additional time added to his sentence for outrageous pun usage.
2. Nina Tomato - Robbed a Fruit Stand
"How do you like them apples?" Additional time added to her sentence for 'sass.' Also, puns.
3. Fred Tunaz - Robbed a Fish Market
"THE 'Z' IS SILENT!" No time served. Not guilty by reason of total insanity.
4. Lucy Lox -- Robbed a Bagel Shop
"Nothing fishy about it -- AT ALL. They are all out of lox here!" Time added to her sentence for her "egregiously bad attitude."
5. Solomon Chipotle -- Robbed a Chipotle
"Put it on my tab," Not arrested as employees believed his claim to be an "heir to the Chipotle fortune."
Do you think Fudge's name was a self-fulfilling prophecy?
Image via TheCulinaryGeek/Flickr