Here’s What Your Favorite Hot Dog Toppings Say About You

hot dogEver give your hot dog toppings much thought? Maybe you don't, because you have more important things to ponder, like how to lower your mortgage interest and how to get the kids to quit fighting in the back seat without yelling. But the toppings you choose for your hot dog can actually say a whole lot about you (said no scientist ever, but stay with me on this). I mean, think about it -- what is it about you that causes you to choose ketchup but not relish? So let's go there. Let's use your hot dog toppings to probe your psychology.*


Plain. You hate complications. You want everything in life to be simple, and you assiduously avoid getting your hands dirty. In fact, if you could live on nutrition pellets and water, you would. This blog post is making you uncomfortable because the very idea of hot dog toppings is gross.

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Mustard and ketchup. You're a traditional kind of gal. You like big weddings, kittens, rainbows, and The Notebook. Why mess with a classic?

Relish and onions. You're tart-mouthed and you hate people. Why else would you order those onions? Or maybe you just need some alone time. I don't blame you. Sometimes I go for those onions for the same reason. Come sit by me and we'll gossip about everyone. I've got a jar of jalapeños.

Chili and cheese. You are doomed to make the same inadvisable choices over and over again. The chili and cheese dog always sounds a lot better than it actually is. Just like the guy at the party with the guitar and the soul patch -- remember him? You do this. You have this insane combination of optimism and amnesia. When will you learn?

Mayonnaise. You are my son. What are you doing reading this? I told you, Mommy's work blog is not appropriate for children.

Okra kimchi and hand-ground artisan local honey mustard. You're a hipster creative who prides herself on originality. You are allergic to the ordinary. You created your own major in college and your children are all named after notable Victorian botanists. You know what's going to trend before it trends because you start the trends. But I would never say that to your face because you are way too cool to ever associate yourself with the word "trend." Actually, these toppings sound pretty good to me.

Disclaimer: This post is not based on hard science. No social scientists were consulted in the writing of this post. Have some lemonade. This is totally made up, just for fun.

What do you top your hot dogs with?


Image via Steve Hankins/Flickr

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