Twinkies Come Back & Get a ‘Makeover’: 5 Changes We Wish They’d Made Instead

Adriana Velez OMG

twinkieGreat news for people who love snacking on nostalgia: Twinkies are coming back. Hostess calls it "The Sweetest Comeback in the History of Ever!" But will they be exactly the same this time? There's a big change planned for the spongy snack cakes, but don't worry. Your little yellow capsules of cream-filled joy will probably taste pretty much the same. Twinkies will have a longer shelf life, from 26 days to 45 days. That is the much-hyped makeover we've been hearing about.

That's it. Please cue the sound of a deflating balloon right here. Some of the cakes will be frozen before shipping, and that's what will extend their shelf life. I'm not sure why this is such big food news today, but apparently everyone is talking about it. While we're on the subject, can we talk about what kinds of changes I would rather see Hostess make for its Twinkies?

1. Shorter shelf life. I guess we should be glad the longer shelf life is due to freezing and not more chemicals. But I would love it if they got rid of all the preservatives, because preservatives are not delicious.

2. Real cream filling. Instead of whatever vegetable-oil gunk they've got inside now, I'd love it if the cakes were filled with real whipped cream. From grass-fed cows! I'm dreaming here, so let's go all the way with this.

3. Organic. I mean, why not?

4. Delivered via unicorn. Because unicorns just make everything taste better. I don't know how, but they do.

5. 30 percent less sweet. I'm sorry everyone else, but your sugar palate is way too sweet for my taste. If we knocked it way back, these snack cakes would be just perfect for me. And let's use real cane sugar instead of a corn-derived sweetener while we're at it.

All in all this would make for a much more expensive Twinkie. I know that. Oh well. A pastry chef in my neighborhood is already making Twinkie-like cakes with all of these changes (minus the unicorns -- WTF, get it together, baker). But is a Twinkie still a Twinkie if it's not loaded up with preservatives and other artificial gunk? I kind of think maybe not. So maybe it's a good idea I'm not consulting for Hostess.

Do you care about the new longer shelf life of Twinkies?

 

Image via Jenn Durfey/Flickr

Read More

desserts, in the news, snacks