'RHOBH' Alexis Bellino Wants to Open a Coffee Shop & the Menu Already Scares Us (VIDEO)

alexis bellinoWell who knew Real Housewife of Orange County Alexis Bellino was secretly a budding barista all this time? Alexis just revealed to Bravo, "I've always had a passion or dream to open up a coffee shop." It'll be "really sleek, chic", and there will be NO WAITING ever, because OC housewives have to get their foreheads done immeds, okay? It's all about community for Alexis. "I just think it's a really cool thing to be the first thing people wake up to every day."

Okay, so we've got the look, we've got the concept (you walk in and go, OMG, is that Alexis Bellino? Am I sleepwalking again? What a nightmare.). But ... what will Alexis serve? I mean, not will Alexis herself serve literally, I mean what will her people serve. WHAT'S ON THE MENU? That's what I want to know.

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And that's why I sent my spies to take a peek at Alexis' "Passions or Dreams or Whatever" notebook, where we know she's been jotting down ideas for her new coffee shop. Turns out she's got some verrrry interesting notions. Take a look!

Freshly-ground coffee*

Double soy vanilla Lorazepam latte

Fat-free mocha with extra whipped La Mer

Low-fat caramel Restylane cappuccino

Regular latte for women who don't care about their bodies

Decaf glutton-free macchiato

Xanax tisane

Chocolate-free hot chocolate

Sour grapes

Bananas

Bagels

Muffins

Bellini

Chocolate-covered Swarovski crystals

Botox drops

Poached Manwiches

Jesus Jugs of water

Yogurt

*We serve only the finest coffee brewed with the bitter tears of our defeated rivals. Enjoy!

Please note: No Louboutins, no service.

Would you make a special trip just to start your morning at Alexis' coffee shop?

 

Image via Bravo

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