Poor Guy Fieri. Will the mocking never end? Last month he got a sound shellacking in a review for his restaurant in New York City -- not so much because it failed to be fancy, but because it failed on every level for every kind of eater. Now it's his line of frozen foods. I wonder why?????
There's his Old Skool Pepperoni Pizza Eggrolls. (Which old school would that be, exactly?) Crispy Cheeseburger Ravioli Bites. (WTF?!?) And Mozzarella Buffalo Chicken Dip. But it's his S'mores Indoors Pizza that's really got people talking. In all caps. "HORRIBLE!" "WORST dessert ever!" "I was sick from it. Did I mention it was spicy?" So say the reviews.
Oh dear. But you know what? You're in good company, Guy. Here's some other questionable frozen foods.
Loving Hut Cheerful Log: Some sort of vegan alternative to ham made in Taiwan. Here's what some customers had to say:
I was not thrilled with this product. It's got a weird texture, very spongy, and a strange taste, bland yet odd. I'd imagined thick slabs browned in a pan with maple syrup, but it was too gross for me to want to eat a big piece. I diced it instead and added it to fried rice ... still gross. The rest went in the garbage. There are A LOT of better fake meat products out there -- or you can just make your own. A homemade seitan log is much tastier!
The label on my loaf says (exactly): "No added preservatives" AND "Shelf life: 18 Months" AND "Storage: Frozen below -18 degrees" with a "Use by 10/04/2013" (= you can do the math)
Since I am a penny-pinching vegetarian, this item was a little more than I like to spend on protein but turned out to be totally worth the money. I couldn't keep myself from it! The taste and texture are Excellent. You may even have to beat your meat-eating friends away!
Haha, good one, reviewer number three. See also the evocatively-named Loving Hut Ocean Loaf. Someone please sample and review!
Jimmy Dean Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick: As seen on The Daily Show! The ones made with chocolate chips have been discontinued (AWW!). But you can still get the blueberry version. Amazingly, all the reviews on their website are positive, though there was this one complaint:
I LIKE THE SAUSAGE PANCAKES BUT I WOULLD LIKE THEM HAVE THEM IN CHICKEN OR TURKEY I AM TRYING TO EAT HEALTHY THANK YOU VERY MUCH (sic)
Oh yeah, having the sausage pancakes on a stick in chicken or turkey is waaay healthier than in pork, ALL CAPS SAUSAGE PANCAKE FAN. So much.
Members' Mark PB&J Jamz: You know, frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwiches -- so you don't have to "waste" valuable TV-watching time actually spreading peanut butter and jelly on pieces of bread. Here's one ringing endorsement:
I grab them on the go, eat them frozen or thawed!
Not even bothering to defrost your pre-made pbj. Wow. You got me there! But not everyone loves the sammies:
My 6 year old said 'Dad, after three bites it starts to taste like apples. I don't like them. I want the Smuckers brand next time.' So I tried one. And she was right! Third bite -- apples.
And now, in the proud halls of Wacky Frozen Foods, we welcome Guy Fieri's contributions. May they last longer than chocolate-chip pancakes and sausage on a stick!
Would you ever try any of these crazy frozen foods?
Image via GuyFieri.com