KitKat Candy Bars Have Been in Grave Danger -- Brace Yourself, Fans

kitkatRest easy, KitKat lovers, your days of confusion and turmoil are over. A judge just ruled that Nestle can trademark the four-bar shape of the KitKat, thus ending a lengthy battle against Cadbury for rights to the (as Nestle sees it) famous and iconic structure of their delicious candy bar. Apparently, Cadbury was trying to copy that four-bars-that-you-can-break-apart-and-eat-separately form, which, as you know, would just serve to confuse the shit out of we KitKat lovers who can't read labels.

It doesn't say it's a KitKat, but it's shaped like one. Ah! What do I do! Those days of angst are long over, friends. Death be to Cadbury's impostor, four-barred Crispello!


The KitKat is far superior. Not only is its recipe more delicious and its packaging both retro and modern, the KitKat has been to space.

Can the Crispello say it's seen the roundness of planet Earth from the outer reaches of our atmosphere? Can it say that it felt its light, airy center expand and decrease with the changing altitude? Can it say it's sat on the precipice of an orbital launch and looked death right between the eyes? I didn't think so.

But don't go feeling too sorry for Cadbury and its Crispello. The British chocolatiers won a suit granting them trademark rights to their purple wrappers.

I guess I'm not necessarily surprised to learn that candy making companies are cutthroat about the shape, size, and packaging of their sweet treats, but it is a little bizarre that the color purple belongs to Cadbury and that four bars belongs to Nestle.

I thought Oprah and Verizon had those things on lock-down.

Love KitKats, do ya?

Then here, watch one in space:


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