Finally, Proof That We're All Meant to Eat Meat! (NOT)

turkey legHow long have human beings been eating meat? As of the latest discovery, about 1.5 million years! Scientists are saying a skull fragment found in Tanzania proves we were eating meat regularly even earlier than they'd thought. In fact, the skull shows signs that it wasn't getting enough vitamins B from meat.

Before, scientists thought early humans ate meat sporadically, when they got lucky. But nope. Looks like meat's been what's for dinner for a long, long time. So is this the final proof that we're all MEANT TO EAT MEAT?

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That sure seems to be the conclusion the Daily Mail reaches. And then they start wringing their hands over how the human population is exploding, but we aren't going to have enough meat for everyone because there's not enough rain to water the crops that feed meat animals. And this is cause for alarm because clearly we are on the path to a massive anemia epidemic.

Are you following? Early man ate meat all the time = we've always needed to eat meat = OMG, there are too many people on the planet eating up the meat and we're all gonna die of anemia! I'm hearing the disaster movie voice-over now: IN A WORLD WITHOUT MEAT, PEOPLE ARE FAINTING AND BITCHING NON-STOP. WHO WILL SAVE THEM?

Jeebus, call off the carnivore panic! We can send a spaceship to Mars but we can't figure out how to get enough B-12 vitamins without eating meat every day, all day? I think the world's vegetarians sorted this fake dilemma out ages ago. Right vegetarians? You know how to not get anemia, don't you?

Look fellow meat eaters, let's just be honest with each other. We don't HAVE TO eat meat. If we really tried hard, we could get all the nutrients we need from other sources. We eat meat because we love it. And because we hate figuring out what supplements to take in place of animal-derived foods. But mostly because we love meat. We don't need prehistoric, million-year-old skulls to justify that!

And sure, by 2050 we'll probably have to cut way, way back on meat. But by then we'll be ruled by a superior alien race and living on insects anyway (which will always be plentiful!), so I'm not worried at all. It's going to be fine.

Do you think this latest discovery proves that humans are meant to eat meat?

 

Image via dbrekke/Flickr

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