veggies"So what is it you eat?" I get this question a lot. Usually it's from well-meaning people, folks who know I'm a vegetarian and want to make sure they have something I will enjoy at their next get-together. Of course, there are others. They're the people who are confused as to how we veggie types can possibly survive without meat.

In all, after 15 years as a vegetarian (I just passed my "anniversary" last month), I've realized something: we vegetarians confuse the heck out of most meat eaters. And so I offer you all a simple guide in what NOT to feed a vegetarian who comes to your house:

1. Pepperoni pizza with the pepperoni pulled off. It's not "exactly the same as a plain slice." But it does taste exactly like a slice of pepperoni pizza.

2. Chicken. You're right, it's not red meat. But it's still meat.

3. Cheap veggie burgers. Any time a meat eater informs me they think veggie burgers are gross, I immediately ask if it's because they tried a Boca burger because these things are disgusting! Just like regular hamburgers, not all veggie burgers are created equal!

4. Bacon. You may think it tastes like what happens when the angels sing and the unicorns neigh (they're horses, right, they'd neigh?), but we don't. Stop trying to make us eat it!

5. That one side dish of veggies. We DO appreciate that you have that ONE bowl of broccoli (that is quickly diminishing because everyone else is also dipping into it), but next time you come to our house, we're going to put out one hot dog and let you all fight over it ...

6. The lasagna that may or may not have beef in it. There's nothing like being told "I can't remember if I put meat in that, why don't you taste it and tell me!" Is it really that hard to remember what you just made an hour ago?

7. Turkey burgers. I get that you eat them because they're "healthier," but I'm not just a vegetarian because it's "healthier." I actually don't eat meat!

8. The veggie burger you just cooked on the grill rack right below your dripping bloody steak. Really? Come on!

9. Seafood. This is almost always presented by someone with the words, "I know you're a vegetarian, but you eat fish, right?" As a matter of fact, I don't and neither does any other vegetarian I know. You're thinking of a pescatarian.

Any vegetarians out there? What would you add?

 

Image via andrewmalone/Flickr