Cooking With Kids: A Recipe for Disaster!

LOL 36

kids bakingModern Mom Mythbusters #8,742: Cooking and/or baking with your kids is not, in fact, the wholesome, quality time-spending, good memory-making activity it's cracked up to be. Trust me. You know those moms on TV who practically radiate sunbeams as they teach their suspiciously well-groomed children how to whip up a batch of perfect chocolate chip cookies?

Well, screw 'em! Those b*tches are lying to you!

Here's the thing: I'm not saying DON'T bake with your kids. I mean, all things considered, it's still an excuse to interact with them in a non-yelling way, and it doesn't involve a screen or any other type of electronic pacifier-type device, so you can add points to your good parent score and stuff. I'm just saying, kids in the kitchen? It ain't always pretty. Oh, and the stuff you bake won't always be pretty, either ... like the Martha Stewart-inspired cupcakes I tried baking with my two kids a couple of weeks ago (see for yourself after the jump).

They were supposed to look like adorable pink pigs with candy eyes and frosting snouts. Did they end up looking like pigs? Well, I guess that depends on your definition of pig:

pig cupcakes

I will say this much: Those little piggies tasted pretty damn good.

Determined to give these a go with your own kids? Well, some moms do seem to have better luck with this type of endeavor, so go for it. Still, don't say I didn't warn you! Here's my secret recipe:

Cupcakes With Kids

Ingredients:

Two cranky children who’ve been waiting all afternoon to make cupcakes because it's raining and they're bored and their frazzled, multi-tasking mom promised they could all make cupcakes, oh boy! Just as soon as she was finished with work and now it's after dinnertime and Mom, you promised!!

Directions:

1. Ask first child to measure 2 cups of flour. Pause to clean up all-purpose mushroom cloud which blooms as a result of child's vigorous bag-opening technique.

2. Ask second child to mix the flour and the sugar. Tell first child to chill out and stop complaining -- after all, she got to measure the flour, didn't she? Hear sugar crunching under your feet as you walk around the table and remind second child to stir more gently.

3. Sprout several new gray hairs watching children take turns cracking eggs.

4. Ask first child to mix the eggs and vanilla extract. Tell second child to chill out and stop complaining -- after all, he got to mix the flour and sugar, didn't he?

5. Find cupcake liners with pumpkins and bats printed on them from Halloween. Spend 15 minutes convincing both children that using pumpkins and bats are a perfectly acceptable motif in mid-August.

6. Sprout several new gray hairs and several new forehead wrinkles watching children take turns pouring batter into the cupcake tins.

7. Put cupcakes in the oven. Realize you still have to make the frosting and decorate the cupcakes once they're cool. Promise children you will buy them a unicorn if they agree to finish Phase 2 of this ill-advised project in the morning.

8. Pour yourself a stiff drink and send the kids to bed.

And voila! There you have it. And by "it" I mean a big-ass mess to clean up.

Do you bake with your kids?


Image via flowercarole/Flickr

baking, cooking with kids, cupcakes