Let’s Talk About Ketchup Packets and How Small and Annoying They Are

Rant 13

ketchup and friesIf you're a fast-food French fry lover like m'self, then welcome. Let's discuss our favorite food and the inherent problem with it that no one is talking about. I'm not referencing the well-known fact that this vice is slowly killing us, or that we're all gonna die fat and alone, I'm talking about something perhaps a little more light-hearted, but just as grave. Ketchup. More specifically, ketchup packets. Most specifically, ketchup packets and their god-forsaken small sizes.

You'd think since the portion sizes of burgers and fries have, like, tripled in the last 50 years that the ketchup packets should've, as well. BUT NO. When's the last time someone has asked you if you'd like to super-size your ketchup? NEVER. And this, as I see it, is a problem.

I'd like my high fructose corn syrup and onion powder mixed with red tomato paste concentrate to complement the gargantuan, inhumane sizes of my containers of fries. Is that too much to ask?

How many hours have we wasted as a nation, asking for extra ketchup? How many fries have gotten cold as we pause to rip open another too-small packet? How many more carbon emissions have been released into the environment when we must circle back through the drive-through upon realization that the fry-to-ketchup ratio is disastrously disproportionate? How many throats have been cut as we try to get out the last bit of red goodness from that soft, aluminium packet, only to swallow a bit of that jagged top? How much more must we suffer this indignity?

Before I die (from arterial plaque, no doubt) I'd like to see ketchup packets come in small, medium, large, and who are we kidding, X-large and XX-large packets. If the standard now is 9 grams, I dream of seeing maybe a 12-grammer as a medium, all the way up to 21 grams in the 2-XL.

FYI, the weight of the human soul is rumored to be about 21 grams. Coincidence? I think not.

So if any of you ketchup execs out there are reading this, help a lady out. If such variance in packet sizes exists, please stock our fast-food eateries ASAP. If this has never occurred to you despite the fact that we can now by fries by the car-load, it's time to wake up and smell the distilled vinegar and natural flavoring: your puny packets are cutting it anymore.

I demand you increase their size, despite the obvious look!-the-ketchup-packets-are-getting-bigger!-America-is-fat! backlash that everyone sees coming from a mile away.

Some of us just like a lot of ketchup, a lot, OK? So catch up.

Can anyone relate?


Photo via 14zawa/Flickr

fast food


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Gages... Gages_Mommy32

And while we're at it, why don't we put them in little cups with a peel off lid, instead of the foil packets. That way there's no question of where you're going to squeeze that packet when you're on the go! How convenient would that be! The grocery store has them. Fast food needs to catch up on the ketchup. Cheesy, I know. Haha

PonyC... PonyChaser

Heinz to the rescue!!

Haven't you seen the new Dip n' Squeeze packets?? The Heinz Ketchup site actually has a locator, so you can.

They have them by me at DQ (arguably some of the WORST fast-food fries out there). They also have them at Culver's (they have awesome fries; the crinkly kind), and possibly other places (uh-oh... looks like Chick-Fil-A has them, too....).

The package in the link says that they're THREE TIMES the size of the little squeeze packets. No word, though, about how well they work when placed under the toilet seat for the next unsuspecting user...

short... shortychelle

Chick-Fil-A has larger ketchup packets, they are the Squeeze or Dip kind. They are shaped like little bottles of ketchup and you can either peel off the foil so you can dip your fries, or you can rip off the top of the  "bottle" and apply your ketchup. I think they are 2 oz packs which I believe is what one serving of ketchup is supposed to be.

nonmember avatar Guest

Why is this an article? And why try to start a scuffle re: CFA ponychaser? Bored?

PonyC... PonyChaser

Guest, do you not understand sarcasm? Really? I say "chick-fil-a" and it's a scuffle??? I think YOU'RE the bored one.


Pinkmani Pinkmani

My Chick-Fil-A has the larger ketchup packets, too. They also sell the larger ketchup packets at my local Publix. I do believe they are the actual serving size of ketchup.

miche... micheledo

Yep, Chick-fil-A has them.  

Misty... Misty.Dawn

Omg ponychaser! You said the name of that restaurant thats on the no-no list! It shouldnt even be mentioned unless u wanan create another debate. Didnt u know this? **btw Guest-that was also sarcasm** -----anyways..i dont like ketchup (yeah, weird..i know) but i couldnt help but say "awww, thats so cool!" when i got a chicken strip basket from DQ & they gave me that squeeze or dip ketchup shaped like a little bottle :)

bills... billsfan1104

Hahhahhahhhahhahha. This made me laugh. I think burger king has the ones you can squeeze or dip. Best ketchup packet ever.

nonmember avatar Anon

Whataburger has had large dip ketchup for at least 10 years.

The worst is when you ask for ketchup and get one packet. Who uses just one packet of ketchup?

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