Eat This $26 Hot Dog & You'll Regret It

Champion Dog at Rangers ballparkWhen you think of going to the ballpark, what do you think of? OK OK, besides $12 beers. Yup, that's right. Hot dogs. Oh how I absolutely adore their caloric tender juicy deliciousness. There's nothing like a fresh dog on a hot day topped with all the fix-ins. Now, you can try a nifty take on the classic ballpark frank at Rangers Ballpark in the Lone Star State. The size? A casual two feet (give or take). Holy moly! Everything really IS bigger in Texas!

Piled high with chili, cheese, jalapenos, and sauteed onions, the dog will cost you a casual $26 at the park's Captain Morgan Club

I don't know about you, but I see so many things wrong with this. Primarily, how the hell do you eat it?!

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First, let's address the most obvious speed bump: the size. No person can comfortably walk through the concrete halls of a baseball stadium carrying a two-foot-long slab of mechanically separated turkey and pork on a bun. Especially with toppings! Forgettaboutit.

If the lucky purchaser (perhaps they're unlucky?) makes it back to their seat with their two-footer, then there will be the next bump: safe consumption. How does one lift this thing up without knocking into the person seated next to them? Yup, impossible. Just to think, will this be considered some sort of workout? Will your arms be sore the next day from doing a dozen hot dog reps?

The third speed bump: the aftermath. There's no way in hell you're going to be sitting pretty after indulging in this jalapeno-topped monstrosity. My stomach bubbles just thinking about eating three bites.

So yeah ... there's that. Pretty much if you're interested in snagging this two-foot Champion Dog, I'd say only do so if you're enjoying it with the whole fam. If you split it four ways, you're all getting a normal-sized dog anyway, right? And $26 for dinner, that's not so bad! Happy baseball season, fans.

Would you try the Texas Rangers' Champion Dog?

 

Image via dinnercraft/Flickr

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