Give In to the ‘Pink Slime’ Craze – You Know You Want It

ground beefAfter the huge public backlash against so-called "pink slime" the National Beef Bits Association felt it was important to correct some misperceptions about this wholesome, delicious, food-like substance. So in the interest of fairness, we are presenting you with this exclusive PSA.

Folks, there's been a lot of rumormongering about our favorite highly profitable filler lean meat product, and we think that's a shame. Because pink slime is all about what Americans love most: Sustainability, meat, spinning around real fast, and the color pink.


Yep, pink. You wear it. It's your favorite shade of lipstick. It makes flowers pretty. And now, it's the color of your favorite lean meat product. Pink slime, because you're worth it!

Now let's talk about how awesome ammonia hydroxide is. Did you know it's a naturally-occurring chemical, just like bismuth and aluminium? It goes into pudding, beer, sports drinks, cheese, jam, cereal, fruit, and a bunch of other stuff you think you're safe eating. And it's delicious! (Also if you ingest too much of it you will die. But you will die a tasty, tasty death.)

Know what else is naturally-occurring? Beef trimmings. They come from a steer. A real, live, breathing steer. And then we send the trimmings to Six Flags and whirl them around a whole lot. Whee! They have a grand old time before they end up in your burger. Forget what Jamie Oliver says about the washing machine -- that's totally wrong. And by the way, this spinning fun-having process is why we call it BEEF (our acronym for "bovine egregiously extracted refuse").

And the only reason we don't label it special is because we don't want you to feel jealous of all the fun your BEEF just had at Six Flags. We do this as a courtesy for you because we care about your feelings.

Okay, we're kidding. There is no National Beef Bits Association, and this is a totally fake PSA.

Do you think "pink slime" is at all defensible? Is there any way to "spin" it to make it more palatable?


Image ia ilovebutter/Flickr




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