Womankind, we are currently watching the sun set on the Era of Expensive Coffee Drinks. It was a wonderful ride. Starbucks arrived on the crest of the dot-com bubble with its pricey frappacappawuzzles and we all got high on that burnt-coffee-bean buzz. Starbucks didn't die when the economy crashed, but still ... the decadent coffee thrill is gone, isn't it?
But just for old-time's sake, what if we gave the fancy coffee drink a little whirl? Or a really BIG whirl? We were impressed the other day when we saw a guy named Logan Warren try to order the most expensive drink you can possibly get at Starbucks. It looks kind of gross, frankly -- and yet, we were strangely intrigued. What exactly does that taste like? And what happens when you order it? We had to find out!
Well that was interesting. When I gave my order, the guy at the counter looked really worried. "Um, this isn't going to taste very good ..." "That's okay!" I grinned maniacally. "It doesn't have to! I'm just trying to order the most expensive thing I can here!" This turned out to be a Venti Java Chip Frappuccino with 16 shots of espresso, caramel sauce, soy milk, matcha powder, vanilla bean, and strawberry syrup for a grand total of $22.32. I did not have a free drink coupon.
Anyway, here's what I learned:
- There is no cup large enough at Starbucks for this drink. Sixteen shots kind of adds up, you know? That's why you see two cups here.
- The shots aren't going to fit in the mixer, so they have to pour those on top, over your frappawhatever.
- In my neighborhood, anyway, the Frappuccino doesn't come in a Trenta, just a Venti. Only the iced tea and iced coffee comes in Trenta.
- It's not strawberry and banana puree. It's a strawberry syrup. And they'll throw in a banana into the mix if you ask, but somehow I missed that.
- This drink takes about 10 minutes to make. And after, if you notice that there's no whipped cream like you asked for, maybe you should just smile and leave without saying anything. Why?
- Because this is not a great way to make friends at Starbucks. Turns out the barista had read that blog post about Logan Warren -- and it took me a full half hour to scrape off the thick layer of contempt he laid on me for attempting to order this drink.
- In this case, I strongly encourage tipping. Like, more than usual.
- Here's the weirdest thing of all -- it actually didn't taste as bad as I thought it would! Kind of bitter, gritty, berry, sweet, lukewarm ... actually, you know what? Don't order this. And no, of course I didn't finish it.
What's the most expensive coffee drink you've ever ordered?
Image via Adriana Velez